Office lunch thievery is a common phenomenon in workplaces everywhere. They lurk into the lunchroom sniffing for their prey, and, in this case, it’s your lunch, a feast that you proudly put together yourself. You patiently wait for the noon hour to imbibe your delicious creation (or expensive lunch purchased from a store), but as you open the refrigerator you realise someone has stolen your lunch!
See Also: How to Deal With Post-Lunch Slump
Much like former Texas Governor Rick Perry, your lunch disappeared and dropped out of sight, and now you have nothing to eat. Well, perhaps you can spend a buck and buy a bag of potato chips from the vending machine, or maybe an extra dollar for a can of soda. How disappointing! Oh, the humanity! The people in Ethiopia have nothing on your pain and grief right now.
Now, as you sit in the break room, your eyes stalk each person that walks through those doors. You’re burning holes through each person, wondering who it could have been. You use your Hercule Poirot’s little gray cells and bring out your inner Sherlock Holmes deducing skills. You have a suspect in mind, and you are now the judge, jury and executioner.
It’s time for revenge! You want to employ a devious scheme that will give the person his just desserts(pun intended). It will teach them never to take someone’s lunch ever again. They will learn that you never mess with someone who’s hungry! What to do? What to do, indeed! Muhahaha.
Here are 9 ways to get revenge on a co-worker who stole your lunch:
1. Hot & Spicy to the Extreme
The thief can’t get enough of your sandwiches or subs? Does the kleptomaniac enjoy that you sometimes bring barbecue chicken or pasta? Well, perhaps it’s time to take your lunch to the extreme with additional hotness and spiciness. Transform your food into a trip to a volcano. That is what one gentleman did earlier this year when he smothered his wife’s lunch with Blair’s 4am Reserve, a hot sauce that is reportedly 7,476 times spicier than Tabasco.
Here is a list of other things that you can do to make your lunch hot and spicy:
- Spread your sandwich bread with wasabi (be sure to use a lot).
- Instead of tomato sauce, use tabasco sauce for your pasta dish.
- Peppers galore: be sure to mask the hot peppers in your food.
- A container of vindaloo chicken (more vindaloo sauce than chicken).
Once someone takes the first bite out of that food and runs to the bathroom, you have caught the culprit. Congratulations!
2. Ew! Vanilla & Sushi Don't go Together
Often, many foods don’t go together. Vanilla and sushi are a terrible mix. Chocolate and meatloaf are a gross pair. Donuts with gravy and fries is just gluttonous. But you get the hint. Be sure to make something that doesn’t go well together and will have the thief running to the bathroom to vomit. Here are some ideas to throw together:
- Water mixed with cheese powder (it’ll look like orange juice).
- Meatloaf topped with cream cheese (it’ll look like carrot cake).
- Peanut butter mixed with pork (it’ll look like a pork sandwich).
- Tuna fish sandwich topped with cheese sauce (it’ll look like mustard).
3. A Food Alarm in Your Lunch Bag
Whether you have a traditional brown paper bag or a modern lunch bag to keep your food fresh, you should insert a food alarm. This means when an unidentified person opens the bag, the alarm will go off, and some people will rush to the refrigerator. The thief will be so shocked that they won’t know what to do because it’s an unconventional approach. It’s similar to a robber when they break and enter a house.
If you want to learn out how to make a cheap motion sensor alarm yourself check out the video above.
4. Drugging Your Lunchtime Meal
Now, we don’t want you to put cocaine or rat poison in your food. But something like a laxative would suffice. The individual who steals your lunch and takes a big bite will need to head to the toilet over and over again for the next few days. What are they going to do? They can’t blame you! It was your food and they shouldn’t have touched it anyway.
5. Pulling a Prank on the Office Thief
If you’re an avid eater of potato chips or nuts, then this will be great. Why? Because you can use the old snakes in a can prank. When the person opens up the container then fake, plastic snakes will fly out of there.
Or, if you have a bottle of soda then you can try the now famous mentos/coke prank. When the individual opens up the soda bottle, it’ll explode in their face because mentos and soda don’t go together.
For instructions be sure to view the video above.
6. Grotesque: Bodily Fluids
If you know who the thief is then you can just inform them that you have spit in the food, spread some of your snot in the sandwiches, urinated in the beverage and/or did a certain adult thing and put it in the food. They’ll be disgusted almost immediately and run to the bathroom. Whether you actually want to put this stuff in the food or not is completely up to you. There’s no harm in telling such a fib.
7. Install a Clandestine Camera Pointing at the Fridge
Yes, you will have to ask permission from your boss or the office manager, but it’s likely something they’ll agree to because no one should be taking others’ food. It’s simple: you install a camera somewhere hidden in the lunchroom and then try to locate the person taking your food. Once you have acquired enough footage then you confront them and ask them to remunerate you for the stolen food.
This camera might be a bit overkill, but its really cool!
8. Provide an Announcement to the Office if Lunch is Missing
After you have discovered that your food has been taken, stand up on a chair and proceed to make an announcement to the office. Tell everybody that someone has taken your lunch and that the person who stole it has to go to the hospital immediately because it was special, prescribed food or part of a clinical test that only certain people can have. The chances are in your favor that they will speak to you in private afterward.
9. A Fake Note in the Fridge
Once again, after you have found that someone has taken your food repeatedly, write a fake note and place it in the refrigerator. Inform them with any of these reasons why they shouldn’t have taken and eaten the food:
- It was specially prescribed food or part of a clinical study.
- It was your only meal of the day because you’re on your last few bucks.
- It was food that contained prescription drugs so they will suffer the side effects.
- It was a meal that had been made by your dying relative.
See Also: How to Reclaim Your Lunch Break People who take food from the office refrigerator are as bad as politicians or lawyers. They’re at the bottom of the barrel in society. Nobody should be taking food from others without permission. It is rude, inconsiderate and unethical. Therefore, they have to be punished (within reason) and suffer the consequences of their actions. You don’t have to do anything nefarious, but any of the tips above will make them think twice before stealing food again. Have you had to deal with an office lunch thief? Let us know in the comments section...