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SALARIES / AUG. 11, 2015
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9 Body Parts and Fluids You Can Sell to Make a Profit

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

And if you’re looking to make some quick cash on the side to either pay your overdue rent or electricity bills, you’ve probably turned to the Internet to find out how – from renting out your personal parking space to selling handmade jewelry on Etsy and even reviewing stuff.

But what if we told you there were other ways you could make money? Like selling your body. No, Tom, not that kind of “selling your body”. The legal kind. Yes, yes, prostitution is legal in some countries, but we’re still not talking about that kind of “selling your body”.

We’re talking about selling body parts. And no, Tom, I don’t mean kidneys - although I hear a healthy kidney can fetch over $260,000 on the black market in the US. No, Tom, I don’t have any connections to the underworld, and I can’t put you in touch with any contacts – Oh, will you just please go away?

Perhaps unsurprisingly, there are numerous ways you can legally sell your body parts and fluids for a profit and, yet again; we’ve done the research, so you don’t have to. Here are the 9 most lucrative:

1. Hair

Men and women can both sell their hair, regardless of length and color (as long as it is natural and not dyed). If you listen really carefully, you can hear Kesha sighing in disappointment.

OnlineHairAffair is just one of the many hair-selling specialist equivalents to eBay where you can sell your locks from anywhere between a few bucks to several thousands of dollars, depending on your hair’s length, color, texture, thickness, and virginity (by virginity, we mean untreated. By untreated, we mean not doing anything to it – oh, good Lord. Will you stop giggling like a little 8-year-old boy and get your mind out the gutter?)

Don’t be fooled into thinking that selling your hair is an easy thing to do, however, especially if you’re looking for quite an attractive reimbursement. It requires a lot of time and dedication on your behalf, and you’ll have to spend years growing your hair to a decent length (unless you’re Harry Potter, who can seemingly grow back his cut hair overnight) all the while avoiding any and all nonorganic hair products.

You should also avoid swimming in pools like the plague (chlorine can dry your hair) and using any heating tools to style your hair like hair dryers and straightening irons (heat damages and breaks hair). Basically: the more natural your hair is, the more valuable it is to buyers.

Imagine how much Rapunzel could make with her locks!

2. Womb

Similar to babysitting, surrogacy, however, extends to more than just a few of hours of looking after a couple’s kids while they’ve gone out for a romantic dinner for their tenth wedding anniversary. It’s just a little more time-consuming (by, like nine months) and physically demanding than your average babysitting gig. But the payout’s probably worth it – Circle Surrogacy offers surrogate mothers up to $55,000 in compensation for their time, effort, commitment, risk, and any other costs incurred from living expenses.

Becoming a surrogate, however, is a decision that should not be taken lightheartedly. You will need to ensure that you are emotionally, physically and mentally able to commit to the cause. Some mothers fall into depression or experience grief when the time comes to give up the child to the intended parents. Others simply refuse to give the child up at all because they form an emotional bond with it.

If you do decide to use your womb as a hosting service (much like a website is hosted on the WordPress platform. Okay, probably not), surrogacy is a lot more rewarding than just its financial benefits. You’ll also be helping a couple (or single person) realize their dream of becoming loving parents to a child they could not naturally conceive themselves. Unless of course you are being a surrogate for a woman who simply doesn’t want the inconvenience of pregnancy (but that is a whole other story).

3. Sperm

One for the masturbation addicts, sperm donation is one of the most altruistic and commendable – in a weird sort of way – things a man can do. While an unconventional career, to say the least, a sperm donor helps infertile couples realize their dream in starting their own family… for $100 or more per ejaculation.

Sperm is normally donated in sperm banks and clinics that offer private rooms also known as (I kid you not) “men’s production rooms” or (check this) “masturbatoriums”, where donors can use a number of tools to give them a hand (see what I did there?) with their… ahem… donations. These tools range from extensive porn libraries (straight, gay, lesbian, transgender; you name it) to magazines and – yes – even sex toys sometimes. For the sake of personal hygiene, I do hope those toys are cleaned every time after use, or preferably disposed of. Better yet, I hope those entire rooms are decontaminated every time after use.

Meanwhile, some sperm donors actually make donations the “natural” way. Also known as natural insemination. Donors do the dirty deed with their female client during her fertile period. It’s a win-win situation: clients avoid costly medical bills they would otherwise get slapped in the face with when undergoing artificial insemination, and you get to roll in the hay, park your car in her garage, put your wiener in her bun – you get it. The weird part is that numerous websites have actually popped up over the years to accommodate this particularly unusual niche in the market.

4. Testicles

Ouch. Just ouch.

Well, at least you know where your nuts went when you wake up after surgery. Unlike your poor, unsuspecting pet cat or dog who wakes up one day, only to look down at his balls and realize in horror that they are no longer there. The death stares only lead you into sleeping with one eye open.

The Huffington Post reported back in 2013 that one man, Mark Parisi, made the decision to donate one of his testicles for $35,000 for the sake of medical research. Parisi appeared on TLC’s Extreme Cheapskates (if you’ve never watched it, you really should, especially if you enjoy judging people) and revealed his plans all so that he could avoid spending his full-time salary as a marketing professional. It is unclear whether Parisi went ahead with the procedure, which would see him “fitted” with an artificial replacement, and it appears that the study was an once-in-a-lifetime money-making opportunity.

5. Poop

One man’s crap is another’s treasure – literally.

In this case, you can make up to $13,000 a year by selling your poop to OpenBiome in Medford, Massachusetts, a medical research institute specializing in fecal microbiota transplantations. Also known as stool transplants where fecal bacteria is transplanted from a healthy donor to the colon of a patient with C. difficile infections (think diarrhea), the process has a success rate of about 90%.

It certainly gives a whole new meaning to “sharing is caring.”

Donors must be between the ages of 18 and 50 years old, have a Body Mass Index (BMI) under 30, and must not have traveled outside of the States, Canada, Europe, Australia, New Zealand or Japan in the last year. You must be able to commit to at least 60 days of pooping, and OpenBiome offers monthly prizes for the largest single donation. Now if that’s not an incentive to poop, I don’t know what is.

6. Eggs

I like to think of donating eggs as a form of Kinder Surprise eggs. You know you’re getting a toy (in this case a baby), but you just don’t know what (a boy or a girl, or twins or sextuplets). I would just like to point out that I’m fully aware that babies aren’t toys, it’s just that my head is a very strange place.

Egg donation is positioned at the same altruistic level as sperm donation and surrogacy, and, once again, you’ll be helping someone start their own family. It’s something you should truly be proud of, unless you’re just doing it for the money. If you really are just doing it for the financial rewards, which range between $5,000 and $15,000, you’ll have to be prepared to dedicate yourself and time to the cause and get taxed for it (yep, the IRS says that donating eggs for monetary compensation is a form of income).

Some egg donation centers like Egg Donation Inc. (I bet it must’ve taken them ages to come up with that name) are even prepared to reimburse you for any related expenses if you’re willing to travel to donate. This includes air and ground travel, accommodation, and you can even bring a companion with you for “moral support”.

7. Milk

If you have a healthy supply of breast milk and would like to make some extra cash, you might want to consider selling it to mothers who cannot lactate or men for, um, alternative uses. And I’m not just talking about perverts here.

Apparently, one Swiss restaurateur, Hans Locher, updated his menu with stews, sauces and soups that would consist of 75% human breast milk. His logic, as reported in The Telegraph? “We have all been raised on it. Why should we not include it into our diet?”

In the UK, meanwhile, The Icecreamists began serving breast milk ice cream for £14 (around $21) per serving. Named Baby Gaga, the ice cream was seized for safety tests and the parlor was eventually shut down.

Selling human breast milk is quite a lucrative side business, and you can make $3 per ounce. To put that into perspective, let’s say you’ve got 500oz available; that’s a potential $1,500 sale.

8. Plasma

Blood plasma is that yellowish liquid that holds blood cells together, and is separated from blood to help cure rare, chronic diseases like hemophilia (the body’s inability to control blood clotting), people with lymph node syndrome (when blood cells throughout the body become inflamed), and is also used to treat people suffering from burns and trauma.

Just like blood, plasma donations can be life-saving. In fact, plasma is considerably more valuable and can be donated more often than blood. You can make about $200 per month donating plasma up to two times a week – some donation centers offer “loyalty programs”, too.

Yep, every time you donate plasma, you are rewarded with points that you can redeem for gift cards, prizes, and gifts. Just like the kind of loyalty program Walmart offers.

9. Blood

Any blood you generously give goes to people whose life depends on it – you could also sell your blood to self-proclaimed vampires, but you’d be doing so illegally.

Selling your blood is actually a big “no-no” according to US law, but you can still receive economic incentives like CDs, T-shirts, and time off work for donating your blood. In fact, Mario Pacis and his team of researchers at Johns Hopkins University found that a $5 gift card increased blood donations by 26% and a $10 one by a staggering 52%.

Let this be a lesson to schools trying to get students to donate blood – simply offer them Justin Bieber’s latest CD. Actually, that would just scare them away.

See Also: Top 10 Habits That Make You Rich

Have you ever sold your jizz or sh*t for cash? Would you donate one of your testicles to science? Let us know in the comments section below!

Meanwhile, kids, please don’t be the idiot who sold his kidney just so he could buy an iPad.

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