COMPANY CULTURE / JUN. 25, 2015
version 17, draft 17

5 Struggles at Work Only Bald People Will Understand

Here’s a little fact you probably didn’t know; almost half of all the men in the world suffer from hair loss of some form. Perhaps even more surprising is the fact that more than four fifths of men who reach the age of 80 will also start to thin out. Despite the prevalence of this "condition", bald men face a variety of different problems in the workplace, which only the hapless victims can really understand.

Here are 5 Struggles at Work Only Bald People Will Understand:

See Also: Top 5 Struggles at Work Only Women Will Understand

1. Your colleagues say you look better without hair

This is one of the hardest problems to get around; mainly due to trying to contain the furious outbursts. Although the guys around the water cooler may be trying to make you feel better by saying this, nine times out of ten it’s going to be a total lie. You may have found yourself trudging back to your cubicle muttering vicious curses under your breath before, and why wouldn’t you? If being bald looks so good, why are you the only bald guy at the office?! If you let this get to you enough, you may start feeling like some shunned Phantom of the Opera figure, surrounded by ignorant fools who will never understand your torment.

2. Colleagues assume you're much older than you are

While many men step into baldness with dignity and style, varying degrees of it can lead to varying degrees of what we call artificial aging. Sure, if it starts as a little patch here and there or a barely noticeable receding hairline, people may only guess a couple of years over the mark. But when it develops far enough, and you start clinging to what little hair wants to remain around the sides and back of your head, you might just bump into a colleague outside of work who asks with a great big smile if your girlfriend is your daughter.

3. You develop "affectionate" nicknames from your "friends" at work

Dr. Evil, cueball, slaphead, chrome dome. These are just a few of the "fun" little nicknames that can become permanently attached to a bald guy in any office. Though you laugh along and even add to your own ridicule here and there, your friends have no idea that you’re slowly filling with murderous rage. Hopefully, you can draw some small comfort out of the whole ordeal when some of your tormentors start losing their hair. I think you’ll find the nicknames stop soon after.

4. Your boss's compulsion to rub or touch your head

This is a bizarre yet extremely common problem bald men have to deal with. Even the most brilliant genius of our time, George W Bush, seemed to have uncontrollable urges to touch bald men’s heads as some kind of good luck ritual. Unlike some religious doctrine or local folklore, touching a bald man’s head to bring good luck is a practice that seems to have sprung out from nowhere at all. And many people who have taken it up seem to neglect how unlucky it is for the men who have to put up with such harassment on a daily or perhaps hourly basis!

5. Facial hair becomes a necessity

Even if you’ve never considered growing out your facial hair or spent your entire life actively disliking it when your hair starts to slip away, you’re likely to start appreciating it a lot more. The fact of the matter is bald men look much better with facial hair, whether it’s a neat little goatee or a full-on Santa. We all like to look good at work, and this simple change can make the difference between looking like a professional, and some kind of terrifying, giant baby.

See Also: Top 5 Struggles at Work Only People With Glasses Will Understand

Of course, these points don’t come close to solving your problems at work, but hopefully this article will make the daily grind a little softer with the knowledge that you’re not alone! Why not point out anything I missed in the comments below?

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