WORKPLACE / SEP. 10, 2015
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9 Signs You're the Office Gossip

The one thing that keeps life entertaining is drama. You know it, I know it, and all of the many celebrity gossip websites know it. You thrive off of the latest gossip about your favorite celebrities and follow all of the best gossip blogs. The constant flow of information, real or fake, makes you happy. You smile ear to ear when you hear about the latest Twitter feud between Nicki Minaj and Taylor Swift, or when you find out someone got married over the weekend in secret. Gossip runs your entire life. Some people enjoy playing sports or knitting in their spare time, but your hobby is gossiping – which is something you probably should avoid including on your CV.

Gossiping meanwhile extends into your work life, too. Your job title should really be “gossip queen” instead of whatever other basic title you currently occupy, and it would be a job title you would wear with pride. As the gossip queen at work, you have a certain set of skills and exhibit certain types of characteristics, some of which have actually been really beneficial in your career. Even though gossiping at work could get you fired, you do it anyway. It’s in your nature. If you’re unsure whether you’re the office gossip, here are nine signs to help you figure it out.

See Also: Office Gossip - Unavoidable at Work?

1. You Know Details About a Colleague That No One Else Knows

If someone’s cheating on their spouse by having sex in the janitor’s closet with a coworker, you know about it. If someone’s smoking a little Mary Jane in the bathroom, you know about it. If one of your colleagues is a raging alcoholic and is on the verge of hitting rock bottom, you oddly know about that, too.

Your source of information is unknown to all but for some reason they listen to you. They suspect that you get your information from social media. That would be the most logical source. But there are even rumors that you might be psychic or even worse: a witch. You never dispel the rumors and simply laugh them off because you secretly like being mysterious. No matter your source, you always have an influx of new information for your fellow coworkers about your fellow coworkers. It’s weird how that works.

2. You Start Most of Your Conversations with ‘I Heard’

Instead of greeting someone with a “hi”, “hello” or “good morning”, you greet them with “I heard”. You skip right over the pleasantries and get right down to business. You fill everyone in on the latest gossip involving your colleagues.

If you were a movie superhero, “I heard” would be the catchphrase you would say right before you ruin someone’s life with your gossip. Although you start your conversations with “I heard”, you never forget to ask people how they are doing because it’s a chance for you to get more dirt on them.

3. You're Able to Blend Into the Crowd

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You try your hardest not to stand out because you want to blend into the crowd. Being a chameleon at work gives you the opportunity to eavesdrop on private conversations. You don’t wear clothes that stand out, you only speak at precise moments, and you stand just close enough so that you can hear everything that is being said. You have spent years practicing the art of being unseen in big crowds and it gives your gossip a little credibility.

4. You're Not a Big Fan of Cubicles

Being sectioned off from your fellow colleagues is not the ideal work setup for office gossip. You need a big open space to be able to see and hear what’s going on around you. How else are you supposed to listen to other people’s conversations? You can agree that having an open workspace is a little distracting to you but being in a cubicle is detrimental to your health.

At your first job, after graduating from college, you were put in a cubicle and it was horrible. You felt like you couldn’t breathe and that you were all alone. It was a scary experience. Okay, that may be a little over exaggerated and slightly fabricated, but it was very real to you. So real, in fact, that you had to quit. Cubicles close off your connection to other people’s business and it’s not the prime work condition you would like to be in.

5. You're Repeatedly Scolded for Talking More Than Working

You are probably a really good employee but it’s hard to tell because you’re always getting yelled at by your superior for talking too much. You would think that you would have mastered the art of multitasking by now, but the truth is you haven’t. When you’re gossiping, you’re in the zone. You enter into your happy place where work is not allowed. Your mirage of happiness is always shattered by your overbearing boss – who seems to catch you talking right when you’re about to get to the juicy part. You’re going to have to learn how to hold the gossip until break time, which is going to be a real challenge for you.

6. You're an Avid Social Media User

During your break, and probably even while you’re supposed to be working, you’re on social media. You’re constantly checking your newsfeed on Facebook and scrolling through the tweets of those you follow. You not only follow your favorite celebrities but also follow some of your peers.

Meanwhile, your name and profile picture is not exactly you. You hide behind a persona in order to secure information through social media. The entire process makes you feel like a secret spy and takes you back to being a 10-year-old. If people knew that you were the one that followed them on social media, they would stop speaking to you and banish you from their vicinity. That is a true nightmare for gossips, being cut off from other people.

7. You're Not Open About Your Personal Life

Even though it’s you who’s spreading rumors and gossiping in the office, you don’t want your personal life to be the new work gossip. You are perfectly okay with spreading information about other people but you draw the line when it comes to your own life. You do your best to give non-detailed statements when people ask you about your life outside of work. Short answers are the best answers.

8. You Can’t Keep a Secret

You haven’t been able to keep a secret for as long as you can remember. When you were younger, your siblings asked you to keep a million secrets from your parents. But you inevitably spilled every single one of them. You just can’t do it. Even at work, you can’t keep secrets from your colleagues or your boss. You have been responsible for a few people getting fired because of your big mouth. You don’t feel guilty about it, though.  It was probably best for the company, right?

9. You're the Go-To Person for Information

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A clear indication that you are the office gossip is when colleagues come to you when they need information. They need to know not only about trending pop culture facts but the ins and outs of the company, too. You know the company’s layout like the back of your hand, so you point people in the direction of the bathroom. You know who is responsible for what and can transfer people to whom they need to talk to. You are filled with information. Your great memory is necessary to have when keeping track of all the gossip.

See Also: When Workplace Gossip is a Good Thing

Being the office gossip is nothing to be ashamed of, and you’re probably not, are you? You love it. You are the person with all the knowhow. You thrive off new information and can’t see how other people don’t. You know you are an office gossip because you showcase these signs and you are perfectly okay with it.

Are you your office’s work gossip? Let us know in the comments section below!

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