Office Romances: 10 Dos and Don’ts of Dating a Coworker

Love is NOT in the air. It’s by the watercooler.

Reviewed by Joanna Zambas

Office Romances workers sitting together closely

When they told you that love was just around the corner, you probably never in your wildest dreams expected to find it in the office, never mind the cubicle next to you. But love, after all, happens when you least expect it — and in the equally unexpected places.

Although you have every reason to be happy and (figurately speaking) shout about your relationship from the rooftops, navigating office romances is far more complicated and nuanced than a Tinder, Bumble or even Grindr (it’s more than just a gay hookup app) romance.

So, how do you manage a workplace romance in a way that doesn’t make things weird or, worse, compromise your job?

Well, you’ve come to the right place — here are the dos and don’ts of dating a coworker.

The dos of dating a coworker

Let’s start with the things you should definitely do:

1. Check company policies

First things first, check what your company’s policy is regarding dating a coworker.

While there is no law that forbids romantic relationships in the workplace (so long as they’re 100% consensual and they don’t constitute sexual harassment), many companies have specific rules in place. Indeed, some employers may allow office romances with restrictions, while others may ban them outright.

Whatever the case, reading up on company policies and legal guides will help you avoid any potential violations (and the consequences that they carry), as well as adhere to any requirements (such as disclosing your relationship to HR, for example).

Reporting doesn’t mean you’re inviting HR into your personal life; it’s more about safeguarding yourself, especially if your partner is within your team or direct line of reporting. If you’re unsure, consult your company’s HR policies or even consider seeking legal advice on how best to proceed.

Ilan Bergel
Lawyer Partner — Bergel Magence LLP

2. Take it slow

Like any relationship, including those outside the workplace, it’s always a good idea to take things slow when you start dating a coworker. Indeed, if you rush into a relationship, you might later discover that you’re completely incompatible, which can lead to all sorts of complications down the line — especially when you work closely together.

At first, keep your relationship private — until, at least, you’ve built a solid foundation and know that it’s headed somewhere. During this time, you should both observe each other in different situations, as this will allow you to get a better understanding of how you both handle stress and conflict, and ultimately make an informed decision on whether you should continue the relationship, or end it before it’s even begun.

Meanwhile, make sure to spend time together outside the office and to get to know each other without the pressure of workplace dynamics.

3. Keep it professional at work

Whether you’re dating, engaged or married to a coworker, it’s important to maintain professionalism at all times in the workplace — and even at office parties or other work-related functions.

That means avoiding public displays of affection, openly discussing your relationship in the office, or something as simple as using pet names for each other (like “babe” or, worse, “sexy mama” or “stud muffin”), as it can make bystanders feel uncomfortable.

Above all else, never — ever — find yourselves locked in a bathroom stall or janitor’s closet together. Remember: you’re at work, not in your bedroom.

4. Be prepared for gossip

While some coworkers will be genuinely happy for you that you found love, even if it is in the workplace, there will be others who might be jealous of, or feel intimidated, by your relationship. And these are the ones who will likely gossip or spread rumors — which can undermine your professional accomplishments and reputation.

The best thing to do here is to address workplace gossip directly and stop it in its tracks. This can be achieved by cultivating positive relationships with all your coworkers, which will make people less likely to engage in gossip about you.

5. Have an exit plan

Realistically speaking, not every relationship lasts (even if you met your significant other outside the workplace). And, unfortunately, these relationships sometimes end on bad terms — which can result in, among other things, distress, conflict and even loss of mutual friends.

Office romance breakups, meanwhile, are a little more complicated, as you would still see — and work with — your ex every day, making it difficult to get on with your work (and life) and get some of that mythical “closure”.

As such, it’s important to discuss with your partner early on in the relationship what the plan is if things don’t work out — even if it means one of you transferring to a different department or leaving the company entirely.

Open and honest communication with your partner about maintaining professionalism at work is vital to ensure that both of you are on the same page. This also includes being mindful of how you present yourselves in the workplace like avoiding public displays of affection that could lead to uncomfortable situations for both you and your coworkers.

Seth Persily
Managing Attorney and Founder — Elite Litigators

The don’ts of dating a coworker

And now for the things you absolutely must avoid:

1. Ignore the risks

Before starting a relationship with a coworker, whether a romantic or a sexual one, you should take the time to assess whether it’s really worthwhile. Indeed, ignoring the risks of an office romance can spell disaster if you’re not careful, particularly if it will impact your productivity and efficiency, create problems with HR, or otherwise compromise your job.

When we fall head over heels for someone, we largely become blinded by the excitement we feel that we often ignore these potential challenges (and even red flags), but ask yourself: is it really worth the risk?

2. Date a direct report or manager

While you can’t really choose or help who you fall in love with, you should do everything you can to avoid dating your boss or a direct report, as these types of office romances tend to be the most problematic.

Indeed, these relationships come with a very noticeable power imbalance that can lead to conflicts of interest, claims of favoritism, concerns regarding personal and professional ethics, or abuse of power. It can also lead to charges of sexual harassment, even if that’s really not the case.

If, however, you do end up falling for the “wrong” coworker, you’ll need to be extra careful how you navigate the relationship publicly and to, again, disclose your relationship to HR. Whatever you do, don’t try to hide it — secretly seeing each other will do more harm than good on the rumor mill.

3. Send flirty messages

It might be tempting to flirt with your partner via email or instant messages, but don’t. And the same applies to, worse, sending saucy selfies to each other. Because chances are you’ll be both out of a job.

Remember: your work computer and phone are company property, meaning that your employer can monitor internet use and check emails and messages that were meant to be “private” between you and your partner.

The best thing you can do? Leave flirty messages for outside of work and through your own personal accounts.

4. Let emotions spill over

No relationship is always a smooth one. There are downs as much as there are ups. Indeed, misunderstandings and arguments are normal in any relationship — and can be quite healthy, as they lead to greater understanding and a deeper relationship (if, at least, they’re handled appropriately).

But when these conflicts arise, and while you try to work things out (outside the office and on your own time), it’s incredibly important to avoid letting emotions spill over into the workplace.

This means refraining from arguing (even if it’s about work) or showing any kind of tension with your partner in the office — or displaying subtle acts of passive-aggression. Not only is this unprofessional, but it can also damage your reputation and create an uncomfortable environment for everyone else around you.

Every relationship has potential complications, not just the ones found at the workplace. Be mindful, responsible, and make sure to keep your professional and personal life separate to avoid potential legal issues.

Mark Pierce
Founder and CEO — Wyoming Trust & LLC

5. Spend too much time together

Especially early on in a relationship, we’re swept away by the excitement that we want to spend as much time as possible with our partner — until, at least, the honeymoon phase begins to wear off. But spending too much time together in the workplace can do more than harm good.

While you can’t “avoid” each other altogether while at work (and shouldn’t have to), it’s a good idea to spend time away from each other (unless you both need to attend the same team meeting, for example) and instead make an effort to interact with other coworkers.

This not only ensures that you don’t fall behind on your workloads or miss important deadlines, but it also gives the larger team a better impression of your relationship and creates a more harmonious work environment.

Final thoughts

Office romances are a lot more common that you may think. In fact, a 2022 survey of 1,100+ US employees found that 75% of respondents had engaged in a romantic relationship with a coworker.

Despite its prevalence, however, it’s important to follow the dos and don’ts of dating a coworker, whether you’re just starting a relationship with them or have been together for years — for, at least, the sake of both of your jobs.

In worst-case scenarios, meanwhile, it’s also a good idea to seek legal advice — whether it’s to check your rights, deal with workplace gossip or handle a bad breakup.

Got a question, or want to share your own experiences with dating a coworker? Let us know in the comments section below.

This article is a complete update of an earlier version originally published in 2018.