Good news for you, lazy folks: there’s a bunch of really well-paid, super-easy jobs just waiting for you. If you’re pathologically lazy, and if you’re sick and tired of working in jobs surrounded by people who just don’t get the struggles that lazy people endure, day in, day out, this article is for you. You know, and we know, that you’re not lazy; you just selectively participate. And it’s not that you don’t have goals, you do - your goals just don’t inspire you, that’s all. You could say that they’re impotent goals. You spill a tumbler of water and all your coworkers start fretting because you don’t clean it up. Duh! The water will eventually dry up, coworkers!
What hard working people don’t get is that most ‘lazy’ people are actually pretty smart. They are so clever, that they do their best to find jobs that pay well but not require much work done.
Below is a sampling of well-paid jobs that are perfect for people who prefer to selectively participate in life. And you don’t even have to get off your couch to find out what these jobs are. So, you have no excuse but to read on.
1. Professional Cuddler
“Ignore the naysayers who don’t understand your dreams of full-time cuddling” Professional Cuddler, Samantha Hess
This one shouldn’t be too difficult, unless you really, really don’t like company. According to the Penny Hoarder, you can make up to $60 an hour for services such as providing hugs to those in need of one, spooning and holding hands with people you barely know. And it’s not just lonely widowers that take advantage of this service: according to one professional cuddler, clients range from artists to CEOs. This is a seriously lucrative job: if you can manage up to five hours’ worth of physical contact you’ll be raking in $300 a day, and if you work five full days a week, that’s $1,500. Apparently, demand for professional cuddlers is on the rise, and in this lonely world we live in, it’s a truly valuable service to society.
2. English Teacher in China
Look at it the smart way: China is the most populous country in the world and a sizable chunk of the population doesn’t speak a single word of English. English is the most widely spoken language on earth. Put the two together and you come up with, yep, English teacher in China. It’s what some might call a ‘no brainer’. Literally and metaphorically. A Quora user described the demand for English instructors in China as “insatiable” and “lucrative”, so if you can land this job, assuming you manage to get your ass on the plane and actually land in China, you’re on to be a winner. You’ll probably be required to pass an exam which goes something like this: “Can you speak fluent English?” If you can answer yes to this question, chances are you’ll be hired. Even without a college degree. Due to the demand for English teachers, income levels very are high; if you’re reasonably good you can expect to earn a salary that’s comparable to that of a Chinese professor, and some jobs even offer accommodation as part of the deal.
3. Fake Businessman/Professional White Guy
If the prospect of teaching seems a tad strenuous, becoming a professional white guy could be more your thing. There’s only one snag: you need to be white and you need to make yourself look professional. Oh, you’ll also need to have reasonably good acting skills: how else can you play the part of European businessman? You need to be credible, to lend an air of glamour and importance to events. In his “Confessions of a Fake Businessman from Beijing” article, The Atlantic’s Mitch Moxley describes the pay for these “rent- a-white- guy” jobs as being up to $1,000 a week for doing little more than wearing a suit, shaking lots of hands and general hobnobbing.
Fake businessman jobs are the go-to gigs for “underworked expatriates” in China, and they can be hired for all manners of ‘business activities’, from delivering speeches on the environment to acting as a “seasonal buyer” for a company that probably doesn’t exist.
4. Hotel Sleep Tester
If that last job makes you feel a bit sick, here’s something completely different: hotel sleep tester. A hotel sleep tester job is literally a dream-job come true: you get paid to do what you’ve always wanted to do: sleep in. Hotel sleep testers are paid to help ensure hotel guests have a restful stay, and they do this by testing beds and other variables that can affect comfort: cleanliness, facilities, sound-proofing, WIFI speeds, prices and location, for example. One company which recruits hotel sleep testers is the online company Qunar, and its testers trial and sleep in numerous selected hotels, role-playing clients from different demographics to establish the optimum comfort factors/arrangements. This Daily Mail article describes the work of professional Hotel Sleep Tester Here Zhuang, who leaves “no stone unturned” in her pursuit of the ultimate comfort arrangement for guests. Hotel Sleep Testers usually use a camcorder or camera to record their findings and, in what may seem as a negative by lazy folk, are required to document their findings. But if you really think about it, you spend most of your time sleeping at a hotel, so documenting your stay there isn’t really that demanding.
5. Video Game Tester
Yes! The perfect job for couch potatoes! If you love your gaming, then this gig is a ‘no brainer’: you get to play video games all day from the comfort of your home. According to Monster, video game testers don’t require any formal qualifications but certain skills and temperaments are helpful: patience, discipline and organisation are key, the site suggests. You also don’t work regular hours as in the typical office 9-5er, but you’ll need to be prepared to do some intense gaming as the game’s general release date approaches. Providing you don’t mind that your job might involve mindless repeats of the same sections of a game to make sure there aren’t any bugs in the code, or that it could involve playing infernally boring kids’ games, this could be the job for you.
See Also: How to Get Paid to Play Video Games
So, there you have it: a very short list of jobs for the work-challenged. If you are genuinely lazy, you’d be better off improving your social skills (for example communication skills, organisational skills, likability) rather than acquiring new job skills. This is because social skills are what you need to give the impression that you are capable and hard working, which is what will get you hired. Once you’re in, you can the default to lazy.
Unfortunately, whichever job you do, you’ll still need to turn up. But once you’re showing up and attending all the various show-ups you need to show up to, your laziness can pretty much continue as normal.
Which jobs do you consider as the best jobs for lazy people? Let us know your thoughts in the comments section below.