Career Testing
Career Testing
Career Testing
CAREER DEVELOPMENT / AUG. 08, 2015
version 8, draft 8

How a Bad Choice Ended a Person's Career

We all eventually come to a cross-road, where a given opportunity can help or hurt our career path. Sometimes the damage is minute and easily fixed, but sometimes it results in a horrible flaming train-wreck with no survivors. If we’re completely honest with ourselves, a good train-wreck is much more entertaining than an inspiring success story. Oh, it’s just me? Well, excuse me for being a cynical bastard. Take a look at these career destroying choices and please tell me that these aren’t even slightly satisfying.

See Also: Top 7 Celebrities Who Live Humble Lives

Eddie Murphy

This foul-mouthed funny man of the 80’s was comedic genius Richard Pryor’s protégé. With a string of R rated comedies, explicit standup routines and even a regrettable pop record (which is still catchy as hell), nothing could slow him down. His legendary SNL skits helped elevate the humor thespian to the Hollywood elite, but then disaster struck. Eddie left behind his abrasive, cuss-fueled characters (which everyone loved and infinitely quoted…if I hear another person utter: “yes, yes fuck you too” or something equivalent from Coming to America…I’m going to punch a baby deer in the mouth) to embody (regrettably) more family friend shmucks.

Eddie’s career entered a hard tail spin when he played Pluto Nash, and then graduated to something that can only be describe as a pile of fecal matter from a diseased Savannah cat that has eaten an equally diseased Hollywood starlet, Norbit. You think I’m being fastidious with my description? That’s because you haven’t seen this cinephile hate crime. Although Eddie has been able to correct his downward crash to a certain degree he has never been able to completely recover.

Halle Berry

geekcitysirens

ALL HAIL THE POWER OF THE SUPERHERO MOVIE!!!! Legions of us comic nerds have finally been rewarded by the recent slew of uber successful superhero movies. For years, we have been pushing back our glasses, pumping our fists in the air and demanding a decent movie, and now we can finally let down our LARPing arms! This was not always the case, though. We have had to endure years of seeing the saddest, most pathetic embodiments of our favorite Superheroes before finally be able to see them raised up to the Valhalla of superhuman cinema gold.

We can argue that Tim Burton’s 1989 version of Batman, made studios realize that good superhero movies were good money. Then for some reason they said: “Nah f*ck it, why mess with something that works” and went back to eating-starlet-big-cat-excrement (see Norbit above). They then proceeded write a movie so atrocious, with so much abhorrent CG effects that not even Halle Berry in a skintight leather onesie couldn’t save. And there’s a lot of things that can be fixed by Halle Berry in a skintight leather onesie, world hunger and war for example. Maybe even Norbit. Actually only fire can fix Norbit.

Since the sad day when a Hollywood exec thought: “Nobody will notice how rancid this piece of cinematic poo-poo is because Halle Berry is in a skintight leather onesie”, Halle Berry has never been the same. The Academy Award-winning actress’ career has never recovered, and we never again managed to see her in a skin tight leather onsies (which could probably have helped scientists figure out cold fission).

Kevin Costner 

What happens when you give your lead actor the directorial reins of a movie and a huge budget? No not Good Will Hunting…you get Waterworld. This soggy bowel movement of a movie was the swan song of both Kevin Costner’s acting and directing career. It was a notoriously difficult production, was plagued with problems and obstacles only to culminate in the biggest box office belly flop of the decade (or maybe even the next). The damage extended beyond poor Costner’s career when I say poor I mean it in a literal sense since he invested 22 million dollars of his own money to complete the movie.

After everything was put out to dry, the 235 million dollar soggy macaroon of a movie only made back 21.6. Those are millions folks, millions. After the film, Costner disappeared from the public eye only to return decades later as Clark Kent’s (Superman’s) questionable advice giving father in the Man of Steel. He never managed to completely redeem himself even though Waterworld has been said to not be as bad as initially thought, but just a victim of the media’s over emphasis on failed profits.

Lori Petty

Yet another painful example of a great comic book, sh*t-for-brains movie adaptation and the civilian causalities that it resulted in, namely Lori Petty’s career. Lori Petty’s career was so damaged after this movie that it took twenty freakin’ years for her to play in an “A-list” production again, recently taking a role in “Orange is the New Black”.

Anyhow yet again is a perfect example of how studios should leave creators, directors and actors to do their own thing, unmolested. Instead of doing that, MGM heavily manipulated the script (which happened to be written by the comic creators themselves) and cut out so many scenes that the writers were forced to animate sections of the movie. To this day, the movie is a hellish memory for the creators. If the movie feels disjointed there’s good reason for it. MGM cut out about a dozen scenes, changed dialogue and even completely removed characters that were heavily featured in the original cut. This resulted in a movie that not even its mom could look in the eyes.

Wayne..I mean Austin Powers…I mean Mike Myers

No, not the hockey mask wearing 10 inch kitchen knife wielding serial killer (although compared to the professional gore I have unleashed on you today, a few jabs to the gut would be a welcomed break). No, I’m talking about the man that embodied clueless rock-fan Wayne Campbell, Goofy British Spy Austin Powers and perennial SNL member. He was a well-loved comedic actor until the day he decided doing a movie that capitalizes on ambiguous stereotypes from India and mocking religious leaders.

Good stuff Mike, who did you test screen “Love Guru” on? A room full of racist stoners.Well, anyway although he lent his voice to the wildly popular animated ogre Shrek unfortunately he hasn’t committed his actual physical face to any big budget films since Love Guru. Rumors have been spreading about an Austin Powers remake…so we’ll just have to wait and see if the funk from Love Guru has dissipated from Myers’ career.

See Also: Movie Locations That Would Suck to Work at (Even Though They Don’t Seem Like it)

Do you know of any other career destroying decisions that decimated highly acclaimed peoples’ careers overnight? Let me know in the comment section below!

Get our FREE eBook!
'6 Steps to Landing Your Next Job'

LEAVE A COMMENT

0 comments

 

RELATED ARTICLES

How to Determine if a Career Move is the Right Choice
CAREER DEVELOPMENT / JUN 18, 2014

Man is addicted to change and career moves is concrete evidence of this phenomenon. And just like a game of chess, every career move matters no matter how insignificant...

anchorman
CAREER DEVELOPMENT / JAN 03, 2016

Sometimes you get sucked in the vortex of your daily routine and in the rare moments of absolute clarity, you realize that your career is at a dead end. Most people would...

How to Make Wise Decisions About Your Career Choices
CAREER DEVELOPMENT / FEB 21, 2015

It’s always tough to make career choices! You will often find yourself in tough positions, being forced to make a decision about which of two or more options are the best...

plan written on notepad beside a coffee cup
CAREER DEVELOPMENT / FEB 02, 2017

It’s never too early to start planning your career goals. You will always realise that there are certain things you wanted to do but could never find the time. Perhaps...

josh radnor drinking beer
CAREER DEVELOPMENT / DEC 21, 2015

Having someone to advise you is always a good thing. Everyone wants a friend to can count on when times get hard. The only problem is that you may take just about any...

Authenticity
CAREER DEVELOPMENT / SEP 13, 2015

Do you want to be more successful in your career? Think of yourself like a lump of clay during its moldable state. Ok, so picturing yourself as a lump of clay isn’t the...

Get our FREE eBook!
'6 Steps to Landing Your Next Job'
G up arrow