Career Testing
Career Testing
Career Testing
CHOOSING A CAREER / AUG. 01, 2015
version 12, draft 12

What It's Like Working in the Black Market A.K.A. System D

So you’ve got your degree in Post-Renaissance Business and Economics, but you’ve exhausted all traditional means of making a living, and now you are destitute and out of options. What will you do, you don’t have the constitution or the upper body strength to be a conventional criminal yet a life of crime is the probably only way you can make a living at this point.

Well, you can be a criminal merchant that deals off the books, in the margins of society and deal in products that can cause serious physical damage to people. If you have a fluid moral code, then maybe it’s the black-market is for you. Luckily for you the more fancily named System D is the world’s second largest economy, trailing extremely close behind the U.S.A.’s, so you know there are going to be some solid job opportunities.

See Also: 4 Jobs for the Criminally Insane

What is the black-market?

In really boring financial terms, it’s any economic activity that works outside normally state sanctioned channels. This is basically any economic activity that isn’t taxed or regulated by a government. You probably have inadvertently become part of the black-market at some point in your life. Stop freaking out, I’m not going to turn you in, and also almost everyone does it. If you have ever enacted an off-the-books cash transaction, you have participated in the black-market.

So if you bought something off of Craiglist, at a garage sale or a kidney from the guy in the alley behind a 7-11 and Uncle Sam didn’t get his cut, you have participated in the “shadow economy”. Man, why does the black-market have so many cool names? Maybe if it was called the “Sissy Brussels Sprouts and Liver Market” or “The Mary Had a Little Lamb Economy” it wouldn’t entice so many people into using it.

It’s Online Too

With the massively publicized case of the SilkRoad drug marketplace, the online black market has come to the forefront of public awareness. The black-market has now spilled over (inevitably) to the internet, and it functions on a completely anonymous server known as Tor. This virtual space also goes by the extremely ominous and cool name the Dark Web, the Darknet or the Deep Web. How was this not in a Michael Bay movie yet? It’s not just drugs that you can get on the Deep Web either. If there is anything illegal you need you most probably can find it there, much like a physical black market.

Before the public was aware of these shadier corners of the internet, the clientele consisted primarily of hyper tech savvy drug users and peddlers. Basically, druggy computer geeks. But now the newly aware addicts are going in droves to purchase their drugs from the back allies of the internet. The funniest thing being that they are delivered to them by most governments’ official postal services. It’s not just a product based market either. It also deals in services, dark, disgusting services, such as hiring hit-men, or getting you in touch with a liaison for military grade weapons.

Criminal Resource

So you want to become a black market merchant (which sounds like an epic metal band) where do you start? What do you do? Well, I’m not about to tell you because that would get me in some pretty significant legal poo. The dark web can tell you, though, as it features an exhaustive collection of how to articles that includes disposing of bodies, making of illegal narcotics and starting your own drug dealing business.

Its name is painfully obtuse too, which would be funny if it weren’t so terrifyingly deviant: The Crime Network. It’s a forum of sorts, kind of like Yahoo! Answers. If the person answering your questions was a member of the Russian Mafia, that sold his body to fund his baby selling business. This crime Wikipedia will help you on your dark, deviant path, towards a life of mayhem, crime and narcotics. I wonder if WikiHow has ever thought of doing something in the Dark Web…

Safety

OK, now we are talking about the nitty gritty, your clientele is a veritable who’s who of the underworld. Do you think that being their procurer of less than legal products is going to make you immune to their anti-social behaviors? When he was convicted, the notorious black-market merchant (also known as the merchant of death), Viktor Bout, was shown to have assisted terrorists, drug dealers, murderous rebels, deadly genocidal regimes and dictators.

Sure you can make tons of untaxed money, but one bad deal can not only end your career but your life. Your already illegal thus making you a much easier target for other deviants, as proved by multiple hackings of Tor (Deep Web) sites. Oh, you’ll also have to worry about legitimate governments too, because once and a while they will come knocking. But legal governments aren’t crazy about people knowing they dealt with black marketers, and trust me no matter how legal they seem, they still have ways to shut people up.

Morality

Viktor Bout facilitated the killing of thousands of innocent civilians primarily by busting sanctions in Africa and famously selling arms to murderous dictator Charles Taylor. Even if you are selling less massively destructive items such as drugs though you’re still inadvertently hurting people. I guess if you have antisocial tendencies that shouldn’t be much of an issue, though.

Getting Started

Ok, so you can deal with inadvertently killing people, toppling governments and assisting genocidal dictators, how do you get your start? Honestly, I wouldn’t know as I’m just a simple content writer and poor because of it. But from my research it seems that most of these arms dealers had heavy ties with their native governments (due to military or civil service) and had a respectable amount of money ready to buy missiles, grenades or any other accoutrements a rebel general attempting to depose the current government needs.

The drug “merchants” (see dealers) seem only to need a little tech savvy and a little bit of money to buy their initial stash. Otherwise, it’s clear sailing until you get caught by law enforcement and put in jail for the rest of your life. Have fun and God’s Speed!

So hopefully you’ve gathered that this article’s explicit purpose was to entertain and inform you a bit about things that you would hopefully never be willing to expose yourself to. I feel morally obligated to add this disclaimer in case there is some rocket scientist out there that reads this and says to him/herself “You know what? Soteris is right! I should look into the career options of the black market!” Don’t. It’s dangerous, immoral, illegal and stupid, try doing something else a little more productive like fishing or something equivalently banal.

Would you like to add anything else? Please feel free to leave your comment in the section below.

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