Over the years, human resource heads, recruiters and hiring managers have compiled a huge pile of resumes that were certainly not proofread. Some of these resumes would make any employee in charge of hiring workers ask the question: "did you even take a second look at your resume?"
Today, writing a resume to fit this modern world is a lot more complex. Our resumes have to follow certain rules, be created to grab the eye of a HR manager and viewed on various devices. It’s as if we have to perform one-hour of rocket surgery. Unfortunately, on the road to complexity, we have forgotten some of the most basic and rudimentary elements of constructing a resume: proofreading, an important task for anybody.
We’re only human, and we all make mistakes on a regular basis. There’s no reason why resume writing would be immune from our fallibility. Perhaps we’re too confident in our typing ability or we think we’re too smart to make any errors when constructing our resumes. Here’s some honesty: you’re not perfect.
In order to avoid easily missed mistakes, it’s best to take a look at your resume every few days or so. After writing a resume, it’s not hard to miss errors when proofreading two or three times. Tomorrow, perform another session of proofreading. Next week, conduct another proofreading assignment. And so on.
With that being said, here are 25 hilarious examples of why you should always proofread your resume, even if you think it’s perfect:
1. You Ate Quite a Bit, Huh?
One job candidate told the company in his/her resume that they had "demonstrated ability in multi-tasting." When they were sitting at their desk, were they eating various cultural delights all day long?
2. Why Insult the Hiring Manager?
It’s obvious that the job applicant thought it was best to either think the hiring manager was a man or a madman. "Dear Sir or Madman."
3. Don't Beat up Your Resume
The job applicant wanted to inform the hiring manager that they were beating up their resume for them for whatever reason. "I’m attacking my resume for you to review."
4. The Jobseeker Already Had Plans to Quit
As soon as they arrive at the office, they plan on making a quick exit- at least that was what their mission statement said. "I am anxious to use my exiting skills."
5. Yeah, I Speak Food
Not only was this jobseeker adept at the English language, they were also adept in a certain food. "[I] Speak English and Spinach."
6. At Least They're Honest
One person admitted to the fact in their resume that they "ruined" an entire operation on the job. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
7. A Summer of Seniors & Vegetable People
During one summer, this applicant spent a couple of months caring for old people and patients in a vegetative state, or as this person called them: "vegetable people."
"2001 summer Voluntary work for taking care of the elderly and vegetable people."
8. An Entire Country Submitted a Resume
Who knew that an entire country would take it upon itself to apply for a job? Here is what the applicant wrote in his/her resume: "I am a Notary Republic."
9. Wow! What an Appetite
This doesn’t need an explanation: “I eat computers for lunch."
10. Somebody File a Police Report
One jobseeker admitted to a criminal offense: phishing. That’s right; they went "phishing" as a hobby.
11. University Degrees Are Now Gender Neutral?
It’s fantastic that a job applicant has a university degree in computers. But what kind of degree?
"I have a bachelorette degree in computers."
12. They Pay Attention to Detail and They Pay Attention to Detail
This person wanted the hiring manager to understand that they pay attention to detail and that they actually pay attention to detail.
"Skills: Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Self Motivated, Attention to Detail."
13. Are You Calling me Shorty?
An applicant decided to insult the intended recipient by referring to their height. Was this person a giant or something? "Hope to hear from you, shorty."
14. A Little Bit Too Honest
It’s one thing to be great with the public, but when you’re great with something down there then that’s just a little bit too much!
"I am great with the pubic."
15. He/She Wants to Party
It’s quite possible that they misread the employment ad because they’re just looking for a good time! "Seeking a party-time position with potential for advancement."
16. Huh? That's Confusing
Apparently he/she sent out a resume that was on a different side of a different file to another firm. That’s clear enough...
"…sent out my resume on the back side of a draft of a cover letter to another firm…"
17. They Failed at Sales
Unfortunately, this job candidate just couldn’t quite make it as a salesperson. "Consistently tanked as top sales producer for new accounts."
18. They're Just Too Mature Now
Some employees leave their job because of pay, new opportunities or complacency. This one person left because of maturity, though they likely meant maternity leave.
"Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
19. Where's the Calculator?
It seems this one applicant was heading the construction of a new facility but it went over budget by quite a bit of money. "Planned new corporate facility at $3 million over budget."
20. You'll Get Sick Being at the Top
It’s not always a good thing being one of the best in the office, as this one candidate told the hiring manager in their resume. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
21. I'm Loyal, Except I'm Not
The jobseeker wrote on their resume that they’re loyal to the employer. If that’s so, then why are you leaving your current job and admitting it?
"I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
22. Taking Odors? What a Horrible Job!
The applicant had a lot of responsibilities in their previous job, including one task: taking odors. Yikes.
"Answer phones, file papers, respond to customer e-mails, take odors."
23. A Centenarian Applies
On the experience part of the resume, the applicant wrote that they were a chapter president for more than a century. That’s amazing. A centenarian applying for a job.
"Chapter president, 1887-1992."
24. Coping With the Job
It’s hard to cope with our jobs at times, and this person admitted on their resume when listing their duties. "Filing, billing, printing and coping."
25. Served in the Civil War
It’s not very often that you have a Civil War veteran applying for a job these days, but one or two pop up out of nowhere. One applicant actually provided service to General George Armstrong Custer during the American Civil War.
"Provide Custer Service."
And considering it’s in the present tense, he/she is still providing service to General Custer!
See Also: The Most Common Violated Resume Rules
Matt Salo, director of the health and human services committee of the National Governors Association, told the Washington Post in 2012 that sometimes you really want to contact the applicants and inform them of their mistakes. Obviously, these same resumes are being submitted to other jobs. Unfortunately, the number of error-filled resumes is just too big.
“You really feel torn,” Salo said. “You want to call these people up and say, ‘Stop sending out this résumé.’ But you don’t. There are so many of them.”
The important thing is to proofread, edit, proofread and edit. If not, you could be telling HR departments that you’ve contracted the plague, you’ve served General Custer or that you’re a Notary Republic. Indeed, it takes time to proofread your work but it saves yourself the embarrassment and lost opportunities.