Career Testing
Career Testing
Career Testing
CHOOSING A CAREER / NOV. 24, 2014
version 4, draft 4

Top 10 Reasons to Become a Doctor

Sure you could become a lawyer and make the same amount of money, but you wouldn’t be in everyday danger of being sprayed with bodily fluids. Also, if you have a Messiah Complex, what better place to play God than in the ER?  As seen in series such as Scrubs, E.R., House and Grey’s Anatomy, all hospital staff are crazy hot! So get your Doctor McDreamy-butt on the train to Med School because here are 10 reasons why it’s awesome to be a doctor.

1. Everyone is hot

Like I said above and just as popular culture has reiterated time and time again, health care professionals are basically models with brains and a medical degree. Don’t believe me? Did you see how many sexy nurse costumes were available in Halloween stores this year? That’s got to be base on something right?

2. Doctors make tons of money

It is well established that doctors make as much coin as a platinum-chain-wearing-making-it-rain hip-hop artist. Also, if T.V. is to be believed, even if they have coitus under a man’s stretcher that is going into anaphylactic shock, they are never sued for malpractice.

3. Doctors can be complete twerps and yet people still love them

I have a PHD in House studies. That’s not the study of houses but of the medical show House. I have learned in my multi-year education in House-Medicine (same as above) that no matter how anti-socially abrasive you are, if you finally save the patient everyone will love you.

4. You’re basically a superhero

Yes! How many professions actually bring people back from the dead? Your silence confirms agreement with my statement. Yes, only doctors save lives.

5. Even if they specialized in another field of medicine they’re experts in everything.

Any doctor can diagnose anything; they go to school for like twenty years don’t they?

6. Being a doctor is a great excuse to get out of everything

Doctors are always on call. It doesn’t matter if you’re a podiatrist or a gastroenterologist. If you’re on an awkward date, at an uncomfortable family gathering or the signing of your divorce papers you can jump up and say: “I am needed elsewhere!” The best part is that nobody will argue your need to leave!

7. Props!

Doctors have tons of things to facilitate looking cool. Form fitting scrubs (the green robes doctors wear) show off that you haven’t been skipping leg day at the gym. You can use those rolling I.V. hangers to nonchalantly lean on and look casual. Finally, everyone knows that a stethascope hung around your neck increases sex appeal by 10 points!

8. Being able to say “STAT” without sounding like a douche

You’ll be immune to douchiness when using terms such as code-red, code-blue, stat and give me 30mm of adrenaline. You can even use them outside the workspace; if you go to the bar for example tell the bartender that you need an extra dirty martini ‘stat’. He’ll recognize the doctor-ese and booze you up quick. Doc-lingo can also be use safely as a pick-up line. Find the attractive guy or gal you’d like to meet, walk up to them and say: “You are causing me acute heart palpitations, give me 30cc’s of number stat!”

9. Being a medical professional gives unlimited access to pharmaceuticals

When you become a Medical professional you’ll have virtually unending amounts and access to medical grade pharmaceuticals. You have access to Hunter S. Thompson level of “a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers”. Look out for those bats.

10. You are entitled to use all Doctor puns as a MD

You will be able to go by Doctor Feelgood, Doctor Love, Doctor doctor and Doctor Frankenstein. Walk up to your fellow medical professional and say “What’s up doc?” which is always novel and worth a chuckle.

 

Are you a doctor or medical professional? What are the things that made you decide to study medicine? Let us know your diagnosis in the comment section below!  

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