Career Testing
Career Testing
Career Testing
WORK-LIFE BALANCE / MAY. 21, 2015
version 6, draft 6

Which Workers Have the Best Sex Lives?

Sometimes the daily grind can grind down more than just your attitude, it can also affect your sex drive. But you’re not here for my pearls of wisdom delicately deposited on your psyche. You came for a dirty, nasty, sticky sex article, didn’t you, you sick f*ck? Well as the terms of my contract stipulate I must oblige your sick needs for sexual content and write this bad boy. So which type of worker has the most sex? Let’s take a look at the most personal aspect of professions.

See Also: How to Control Sexual Urges at Work

Duh.

Sex workers have sex at work. So for this first entry were talking about quantity vs. quality. Most sex workers have more partners in a day than the global average has throughout their entire life. Sure it isn’t good sex, but sex none-the-less. Doesn’t matter, had sex.

Artists

I don’t know if this is much of a surprise, but artists’ partners report that they are the most satisfied and ‘taken care of’ in bed. They dedicate the most time (compared to other professions) to foreplay and satisfying their lovers. Is it their creative flair? Or their ceaselessly playful disposition? Maybe it’s their constant need for validation? Who knows? You’re just going to have to try for yourself. It will also allow you the rare opportunity to use the phrase: “She/He really knows how to use a paint-brush”. Which is a horrible joke which I am very ashamed of.

Men in Uniform

Police Officers, Firefighters and members of the Military are considered the sexiest by their partners and engage in most the sex. It makes sense; people swoon over people in uniform, and there are more than a few erotic films to prove the fact that people fantasize about it.

The men and women of duty are a little less dutiful to their partners’ needs though as their partners report that they are twice as likely as the average to skip foreplay. You’ll also be able to use the phrase: “He/She really knows how to cock a gun/Handle a hose.” I’m sorry it’s an addiction.

Doctors and Health Care workers

Medical professional get it on like Donkey Kong, and according to their partners they know exactly what’s up, down there. Is that a double entendre, because I kinda feel like it’s a double entendre. What’s up, down there.  Hmmmm, I’ll get back to you after further analysis. Added perks to being well versed in human anatomy, according to their partners, is that they give amazing oral sex. Wow, medical professional’s partners T.M.I. (for the over 35 year olds that’s ‘too much information’)

Construction Workers

Is it surprising that the professional that erect things for strangers all day, would want to do some erecting at home…ha? ha? Fine…what are you German? Anyway, according to their sexual partners, Builder Bobs or Bettys lay down their plumbing twice a week. Of course, they also said that they would like them to be more tender. It’s probably the residual vibration from the jackhammers that’s at fault though (wocka wocka!).

Managers and Supervisors

Chop busting, hard-ass bosses are actually the cuddliest of professions, who would’ve thought. I guess a day dedicated to loudly and passionately informing your staff how developmentally inhibited they are, can be a real emotional drain on a person. Also I guess they must feel the pressure for excellence even behind closed doors because they are top notch when it comes to oral sex, which I wouldn’t know due to personal experience, I said I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. The thing is that because they are quite used to negotiating for what they want…and you should expect heated mediations in the boom boom room too. Just make sure you ask for stock options.

Architects and Engineers

Someone that spends all day creating grand structures and things necessary for civilized society to function correctly can still get their groove on when the moods on. No need for a drafting table here, unless that’s your thing.

Proving once again that you should stick with geek, because statistically speaking they’re the most likely to make sure their partners are satisfied.

Mechanics

Who else would be a great lover than someone that knows the ins and outs (wink, wink) of complex machinery? Not only do the majority of mechanics engage in foreplay, they are also very attentive…ehm orally (voted number one!) and strangely the most likely to introduce edible underwear to the bedroom. I’m at a loss with the last statistic, I would understand if they were most likely to introduce…say flavored lubricants or tools but edible underwear? Where’s the logic behind that?

See Also: Make Yourself Sexy With These Tips From Successful People

Alright, you Freudian Fiends that’s the end of yet another titillating sex article. Hope you liked it, and if you have anything to add let me know in the comment section below. For the love of God and decency though please leave out any too dirty details. Thanks.

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