Since I was little, I liked getting a lot of gifts at Christmas, and I couldn’t wait till morning to unwrap all the boxes, hoping there was something that I really wanted inside. To be quite frank, this doesn’t really change with time, and we all secretly look forward to receiving various gifts, as well as getting drunk at office parties or at family dinners, in order to survive Christmas with the family.
However, there is one thing about Christmas that scares most people, and it’s not that someone will make us watch “Home Alone” again; it’s getting weird gifts from our co workers. When you get a gift at the office, you carefully unwrap it hoping it isn’t something that will create an awkward situation and make you blush. When the moment comes, and you have to open your small gift in front of the whole office, you die a little bit inside and you pray for the best. Here are the gifts that no one wants to get, and some of them might even bring your coworker to tears.
1. The Holy Bible
This is wrong on so many levels. A person who is a devout Christian, or just likes studying literature, certainly has at least one Bible at home. Also, people with different religious beliefs definitely don’t need one, and it can even be considered an insult – it can look like you’re trying to “Christianize a heathen”, medieval style. Moreover, if you are religious and you want to make others go to church more often, this isn’t the way to do it. This is why the Bible is probably the worst gift you can give to someone.
Unless your coworker is in Shawshank Prison and needs to hide a rock hammer, just don’t consider this as a Secret Santa Gift.
2. Self-help Book
“You are a great colleague, but you have some issues, here’s a self-help book” Seriously? No one wants to get a self- help book as a gift, especially not in the office. It isn’t pleasant to have your coworker point out your mistakes in life, especially ones that are private.
If you get to buy your boss a gift, giving them “Leadership Brain for Dummies” is something that will get you fired, and the same goes for “Running a Great Meeting in a Day for Dummies”. After they see the book, they’ll certainly proceed to teach you how to lose a job in five minutes, also, for dummies.
On the other hand, if you have a single or divorced female boss, she definitely won’t be thrilled to get a book like “Why Men Love Bitches” or “Girl Gets Ring: How to go from “Hello” to “I do” as fast as womanly possible”, and yes these books actually exist. Moreover, self-help books related to keeping a healthy marriage won’t be a good idea either, unless you are her husband.
This kind of gift essentially says: “You aren’t good at your job, or you aren’t good at life, so here’s one book to help you.” I hope you realize that this is wrong on so many levels.
3. Coupon for Sex Shop
Some people just want to see the world burn. A coupon for a sex shop is probably the most inappropriate gift in the world, and is sure to create a moment of awkward silence. Giving your co workers a coupon like this can mean three things: they’re perverts, they need to spice up their sex life or they’ve been single for a long time, and you are honestly worried. Also, it means you’re cheap. A coupon, really?
Does a person who buys this thing for a gift imagine their coworker saying “Thank you very much. You saved my life, I was just about to give a lot of money on a brand new sex toy and I would share this information with all of you, because it is a happy moment in my life”? If your answer is yes, you need to speak with a therapist, or HR team might want to speak to you.
If you think it will be funny or even useful, just don’t. Please, don’t do this.
4. Marijuana Related Stuff
If you live in a country where marijuana is legal, it may seem like a legal and fun gesture to give someone a small cute bong or something else related to marijuana. However, in any other part of the world it only seems like a good present at first, but it actually isn’t.
Even if you know that the person smokes marijuana in their free time or is pro legalization, it’s not a reason to give them something like that, especially as you can both get fired for consuming the substance. You don’t want to have your friend tested, and the HR department will do that immediately. Your coworker certainly has some other interests that aren’t marijuana related, at least we hope so.
5. Framed Picture of You
Funny? No. Cute? Unless you are Kate Upton or Hugh Jackman, no. This happened a lot in many offices across the world – one coworker just frames their picture and gives it to you, thinking it’s funny. Your coworkers see you every day, and probably have you on Facebook, so there’s no need for them to look at your picture while they are sitting in their living room.
Also, putting a beard and a Santa hat on your picture isn’t original and is a bit creepy. And if you think they’ll put it on their desk, they won’t. You aren’t that awesome guy in the office, and even if you were, no one would want to hang your picture on their wall anyway.
6. Just Money
You had only one job, and that was to buy your co worker a gift. That secret office Santa gift isn’t something expensive and definitely shouldn’t be something special, but still, it should be something small that they’ll like. The point is to make them happy and put a smile on their face with a small gift.
But, if you give them only money, then there is a problem, because they don’t need your $10, but a small funny gift related to their job or personality. If you cannot put some effort into buying something cool for small amount of money, then don’t be part of the game. The person who gets the money will feel insignificant, as you’re essentially telling them that they are not worth your time and effort.
I want my whole office to know what kind of panties I wear- said no one ever. Therefore, even if you are a woman buying another woman some underwear as a joke, it isn’t right and there is nothing nice about it. The person getting the underwear will want to turn back time, hit you over the head or block your car, so that you don’t make it to work.
But, there is something worse than getting a nice pair of sexy panties, and that is Christmas-themed panties. Green and red panties with reindeer or elves on them aren’t Christmas-y- they are just hideous.
If you buy any of these gifts for your coworker, you might not only lose friends, but also lose your job. Put some effort into it, and don’t buy things you think are funny. If you consider some of these funny, buy a gift that you don’t think is funny and everything will be alright. None of these show respect or a sense of humor, so don’t try this at your office. Ever.
What is the worst secret santa gift you ever got? Share it below…