UNEMPLOYMENT / SEP. 10, 2015
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8 Things That Unemployment Can Teach You

You had the best job ever and then – boom – one day you were called into your boss’ office and told you were being shown the door. To put it mildly, it sucked. Okay, it really, really sucked. Now it’s been six months and you’ve been sending out résumés and job applications on a daily basis – sometimes even three times a day – and yet, you hear nothing. Absolutely nothing. You suck, you tell yourself, along with a few choice adjectives that we won’t repeat here. And you definitely think that your boss hated your guts and never, ever appreciated you.

But what if being unemployed is actually a good thing? Obviously, that part about zero money coming in isn’t exactly good. You kind of need that for, you know, food and rent and bills and all that. But there are some other reasons to be grateful for your period of being jobless. Read on to find out the eight things that unemployment can teach you. And, yes, you probably should get off the couch to read it. You’ve already spent the entire day there.

See Also: How to Find Free Activities in Your Area When Unemployed

1. You Can Eat Pizza for Every Single Meal

You knew you already were a pizza addict. I mean, we all are, right? You succumbed to the alluring idea of takeout pizza from that place around the corner way too many evenings to count when you came home exhausted from work. And, sure, pizza became an easy work lunch – even if it did make you super sleepy afterwards – but, hey, it was usually worth it. But now that you’re unemployed, pizza has definitely become your main food group. To be honest, it’s basically the only thing you eat. Thankfully, it’s pretty cheap, which is good news since, you know, you’re pretty broke, being jobless and all.

2. Money Buys You Happiness

What’s that? You miss being able to add some new fabulous clothes to your already overstuffed closet whenever you felt like it? You miss extravagant vacations twice a year? No, you don’t. Those are material things and they cost money, and if unemployment has taught you anything, it’s that money can never, ever buy happiness. Because you don’t have a job and you don’t have any funds coming in and you’re happy, right? No? You’re not? Oh, sorry. Yeah, you probably do need to get a job soon so you can enjoy all the finer things that life has to offer again.

3. Life Is Better Without the Morning Subway Commute

Every single morning, you took your life in your hands and braved the crowds by boarding an insanely busy subway train. You didn’t exactly love it. Okay, you completely loathed it. But now guess what? You don’t have a job to commute to, so you can remove yourself from this whole annoying, crowded equation. Awesome, right? You’re also saving lots of money on subway fare. Which is really good news since, as we’ve already established, you’re pretty broke.

4. Having Nowhere to Go Is Fun

Your couch has become your all-time favorite place in the entire universe. You sit on it day and night, and sometimes in the middle of the night, too, and end up watching reruns of bad sitcoms at three in the morning. No, that doesn’t only happen once; it basically happens every night, but anyway. It’s lots of fun to wake up and realize you have absolutely nowhere to go and nothing to do; it gives you a sense of purpose and satisfaction, and feeds your creative soul. Wait, no. It doesn’t. You really, really want a job, don’t you?

5. Everybody Works

You would think that you would have realized this before, back when you were one of the lucky ones trotting off to the office every morning. But now it’s painfully obvious that everyone works. It’s become a pretty popular thing. Even your teenage cousin has a part-time barista job, and you on the other hand can’t even get a job interview. All you want is to meet a friend for coffee or lunch in the middle of the day, but – guess what? – they all have full-time jobs. So boring, so adult, and so necessary, especially since your bank account is dwindling by the moment and you kind of need some funds pretty soon.

6. It's Pretty Hard to Get a Job

You never knew this. It seemed so simple before: you applied for your old job, you got an interview, you went to the interview with your nerves heightened and your shaky hands, and then you got a call saying that you got the job. You danced around your living room and then a week or so later you were a normal member of society, heading off to a full-time, 9-to-5 job. Now you want to cry every time you read the online job boards. Who knew it was so difficult to even get a measly response, let alone a job interview where you’re just going to humiliate yourself? Will you ever work again? Why is the competition so steep? You’ll do anything to get a job – literally, anything. Okay, maybe not anything. But you do think you’re pretty qualified and you’re just super confused about the whole thing. In the meantime, you’ve got some more pizza to eat.

7. It's Possible to Watch Too Much TV

Seriously, it is. If you don’t believe me, try watching TV like it’s your job, because it kind of is, now that you no longer have one. Your eyes are starting to get super sore and you’re getting bored by even the shows that used to be your absolute favorites. It was bound to happen sometime. You knew the day would come. And now that it’s here, you can’t believe it. But you never want to watch TV ever again. It’s time to break up. Remember spending all those afternoons bored at work desperately wanting to go home and watch TV? How could you ever have wished for such an awful thing?

8. Every Hour Is Happy Hour

You were so innocent, so naïve, back when you had a normal job like a normal person. Now you’re super abnormal and you’ve figured out that there’s no such thing as happy hour. Okay, there is. All the bars and pubs and restaurants think it’s from 4pm to 6pm, but you know the truth. You’ve learned the secret of the universe and have discovered that, without a job to break up the day, you can drink anytime. Seriously. You can have a cocktail at noon and it doesn’t matter because you have no work to do. There’s no work piling up on your desk, no emails left to answer. This will only be fun for the first few days of unemployment, though, because you’ll soon start to feel kind of gross, so take advantage of it while it lasts.

See Also: The 6 Stages of Unemployment

Did you know that unemployment could teach you so many awesome things? No, they’re not that awesome? Okay, so unemployment is not exactly the best thing to ever happen to anyone, but it does happen, so we might as well make the best of it. And then when we finally do land a job again (miracles do happen), we’ll be so happy we won’t even mind our annoying new boss and super irritating new coworkers.

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