NETWORKING / DEC. 01, 2014
version 11, draft 11

A Gift Guide for People You Don't Really Like

We all have that special someone that we have to shop for due to professional or family obligation. When I say special, I mean special in a way that an unexpected bill is special. You don’t like them but you can avoid purchasing them something. With this gift guide at least your money will be well spent. These are gifts for people you don’t really like.

1. Mice Chess Set

A chess set is a great gift, it stimulates thinking, strategic thinking and can entertain for hours. This chess set will also make you think, it’ll make you think that you’ll never be able to sleep again now that you’ve seen it.

2. Smoking Mittens

We want our loved ones to watch their health so we can have them for as long as possible. If they are smokers many times we try to make them stop or replace their damaging habit. For the people you don’t really like though why not encourage them to smoke more? Smoking outside in the cold winter can actually curtail their habit a little so get them these mittens to help them along their way.

3. Hairy Leg Leggings

Is the person you’re purchasing for very self conscious about his lack of body hair? Then get these convenient (and probably itchy) Hairy Leg Leggings to remind them about their lack of man fur. Unfortunately, not quite available in the western world. Keep your eyes open if you’re in China though!

4. Snake of a friend

If that not-so-special person you are gifting is more of a snake than a friend then this snake spine in a bottle is perfect. A gift that keeps giving (the heebie jeebies that is).

 

5. Bugs

No you won’t be buying them a cute Bugs Bunny stuffed animal. These are actual bugs that are packed in chip-like foil bags and shipped to you. If you want to be especially devious there is something call Bugapoop tea, which is thailandunique. Take the label off, slap and Earl Grey sticker on the bag and sit back and enjoy.

 

6. Meggings

Perfect for the unsuspecting fashion victim. These are male leggings. (Stop laughing, you still need to give these to someone.) Step one: convince them that this is the big thing on the East Coast and Paris. Step two: point and laugh.

7. Usb Powered Pet Rock

Strangely, in the 1970s the Pet Rock was all the rage. Granted it’s a “pet” that needs zero maintenance, but it also does zero things. This modern iteration of this is that it has an usb cord sticking out of it. The usb’s single purpose is to take up a usb port on the back of your computer. Your “friend” doesn’t have to know that, tell them it’s an external drive and to try to install it again.

 

8. Feet shoes

One of the most unattractive and offensive body parts are the feet (get your minds out of the gutter). For hundreds if not thousands of years society has found elegant and dare I say even attractive ways to cover feet. Undo these few hundred years of aesthetic evolution with these five-toed monstrosities. Just tell your “friend” that wearing them is healthier and better for your body. It worked on one hundred and fifty thousand other people that are now filing a class action suit.

 

9. Self identifying racist

I felt ashamed just for looking at them. But these Mexi-corn (shudder) corn on the cob skewers will seem nothing but funny to any racist. Added bonus is that they’ll openly use them revealing themselves as closeted racists during their next barbeque.

10. Nothing

Don’t be that guy that didn’t get them anything. Get them the gift of “Nothing” literally.

 

Do you have a person that you would like to horribly gift? Or do you have any nasty ideas for them? Well let us know in the comment section below.

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