JOB SEARCH / SEP. 23, 2015
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Insane Career Paths: Is Exorcism Really a Job?

anthony hopkins the rite
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If you’ve lived in the West for long enough, you have probably seen a movie based on demonic possession and the exorcism of aforementioned demons. These movies rise and ebb in popularity, due to the perception of bible bashers and what state they say we are living in: the end of times, a godless society or a godless society that will bring the end of times.

So, these movies function as a “levitating six feet of the bed” wake up call to the Godless masses. Amen! For the rest of us heathens, it’s a fascination with potential unseen and unknown forces working in the world around us, beyond our perception. Or maybe just because we get a kick out of seeing someone’s head spin slowly around 180 degrees. Who knows!

See Also: Insane Career Paths: The Way of the Witch Doctors

See, movies are the only exposure most people get to exorcism and the various denominational rites of exorcism. Most churches keep the records and documentation of exorcisms under tight lock and key. Why? Hell if…[lighting cracks in background] I mean heck if I know. Let’s take a look at this insane career path, if being an exorcist is a real job and if the pays worth a shi…[lighting again] I mean if the pay is decent.

It’s a genuine bona fide thing!

the conjuring

Amateurs.....

Yes, it’s real, and there are even two competing organizations…No, genius not good and evil, but the Catholic church and an organization called the International Catholic Association of Exorcists. The director of the Association’s life, Isaac Kramer, reads like a canonized saint. Born into Orthodox Judaism, he first became a Pentecostal Christian, then a high ranking Pagan Priest and finally a Catholic priest. He was kind of like a religious chameleon if you will [thunder clap]. Oh, come on that wasn’t even insulting, I was just telling the truth!

Both the Reverend Kramer and the Catholic Church have admitted to an increase in possession in recent years, and they claim it’s a result of living in Godless times. Although the Catholic Church is increasing its ordaining of exorcists, Rev. Kramer says it’s not enough and would be more than happy to help.

How to become one

Well, first you need to be a priest, although many different Christian denominations and religions have an exorcist type figure, the most well-known is the Catholic Priest Exorcist. Income wise it actually doesn’t pay anything (if it’s being done genuinely and not as a scam). But the afflicted person or their family can donate a small amount of money to the priest’s parish. So the “job” of exorcists is an altruistic one, you do it to help.

But honestly if you were looking to get rich by being a Catholic priest you’re in the wrong religion, I hear Televangelists make tons more money. I mean the Catholics’ whole shtick is about denying worldly possession and what not, you should have seen that coming is all I’m saying, or maybe do your homework next time, before you jump into a life of celibacy. Ooooh, you didn’t know that either…oh man, you’re in for some long lonely nights.

Preparation

There is an extremely intense process before the exorcism is performed. After the afflicted person is thoroughly tested for physical and mental ailments, the priest must go through confession, fasting and intense prayer. If the exorcist doesn’t do this, they open themselves up to be possessed by the same demon they are attempting to exorcise.

Apparently this is the worst case scenario. The other lesser evil [boooooom] yeah I agree that was horrible…Well, the other scenario is that the demon or its legions (its minions) do not leave the possessed individual thus rendering your exorcism null and necessitating further torment of the afflicted person.  

The numbers

In the last decade, the Catholic Church has ordained three times the number of exorcists it previously had in the U.S., increasing the number to 36. This is primarily due to the large increase in possessions. The Church attributes this increase to fortune telling, necromancy and generally seeking life’s answers in the occult. It’s not clear how many exorcisms take place in the United States because again the Church is a little weary when it comes to esoteric items such as demons, possessions and exorcism. Also, the Catholic Church avoids revealing names of priests that are Vatican trained exorcists in fear that they will be swamped with exorcism requests.

The crazy things

There is a Catholic priest, called Vince Lambert, that has openly admitted to being an exorcist appointed by the Archbishop of Indianapolis. He even trained with the Vatican’s lead exorcist, Father Carmine De Filippis. During his training, he witnessed dozens of exorcisms. One exorcism, he says, even involved an elderly woman that levitated over her chair. Other things Father Lambert has witnessed are people with superhuman strength, the ability to respond to Latin even though they were never taught it and an aversion to religious artifacts or locations.

Yes, they should react to holy water. The rite can take multiple sessions to completely rid the person of their demons, and that’s if the person does want to be purged. If the person doesn’t want to, the exorcism won’t work.

The warnings

According to the Catholic Church, no layman should attempt an exorcism as the results can be catastrophic. As mentioned above one of the worst outcomes of an exorcism isn’t personal injury, broken bones or being thrown across a room, it’s becoming possessed by the entities the exorcist is trying to exorcise from the afflicted.

For this exact reason and risk, it is recommended that if you are not a trained exorcist, that you shouldn’t attempt one. So yes, the last scene in the movie The Exorcist (kind of), where Father Karras is forced to drag the entity into his body and commit suicide to save Regan can happen in real life exorcisms.

See Also: Insane Career Paths: The Way of the Ninja

Would you like to be a demon exorcising priest, or are you one already? Let us know in the comment section below!

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