Has your boss been texting you about random things late in the evening? Or bringing you an extra hot latte in the morning, when no one else has been receiving this little treat? If you’re nodding in agreement, then they most likely have a crush on you.
On the other hand, some other cases may be harder to detect, which can put you in a real predicament — you don’t want to just assume that you have a secret admirer. So, how do you determine if your manager really fancies you?
Signs your boss is attracted to you
Here are 20 tell-tale signs that your boss is infatuated with you:
1. You have a gut feeling
Sometimes you just have a feeling that something isn’t right; you can probably feel the tension when your manager is in the room.
Lynn Taylor, a national workplace expert and leadership coach, says: “Gut instincts aren’t whims. They’re your subconscious on steroids. It’s putting hundreds of facts together, with the ultimate result being an emotion or physical feeling.”
2. They’re flirty
You want your boss to like you, but not be attracted to you. If you’re faced with a flirty figure, it may be a hint that they’re interested in you.
Again, before you speculate, observe how they interact with other team members. It may be that your manager has a bashful character and doesn’t mean any harm.
3. They’re overly helpful
Do you receive special attention and feel like it’s translating into romantic interest?
“It can be difficult to tell whether someone has a crush on you or if they’re just being extremely nice, so I caution anyone in this dilemma to tread very carefully, as misinterpreting intentions could be embarrassing for both parties, and even career-damaging,” says Michael Kerr, an international business speaker.
4. They schedule private meetings after work
If you’re working on a project together and need to have private meetings, that’s one thing. But if you’re starting to be singled out for irrelevant meetings, your boss may be pushing past the scope of a professional relationship.
Late-night meetings where you’re both alone are also a big giveaway that your supervisor is into you.
5. They buy you gifts
Preferential treatment can be subtle, such as being given a really fun project to work on when a colleague had specifically asked for it. Or it could come in a more in-your-face way, like being showered in gifts.
If you’re the only one receiving gifts from your superior or being given vouchers from the company, it’s likely they have strong feelings for you.
6. They make you transfer companies with them if they move
Have you been working with your manager for years and seem to follow them everywhere they go? Have you just realized that you’ve done this because of their persuasive comments?
They may simply value your expertise — or perhaps they want to keep you close for other reasons…
7. They call or text you for no reason
Many leaders need to stay in touch after hours to talk about big projects or clients. However, if you start receiving calls and messages that are completely unrelated to work, you’re probably dealing with a boss that’s romantically interested in you.
When this happens, try not to give the wrong impression with your replies.
8. Their body language is playful
If you generally feel uncomfortable with their body language, it probably means that they are invading your personal space.
It may be that they’re an affectionate person and behave the same with all their employees (which is pretty unprofessional, too), so observe what their gestures are like with your colleagues.
9. They give you special treatment
This could simply be because they trust your judgement and respect your opinions. However, it can also come across as favoritism, especially if you’re given opportunities that you feel you don’t deserve.
Taylor agrees: “Love-struck bosses may give you better projects, give you more mentoring time than your peers, take you to more lunches, might offer you more flexible hours or other perks, be lax about your mistakes, or give you other special treatment.”
10. They confide in only you
Does your boss insist on discussing their personal issues with you? “Yes, they may be doing this because they trust you, but it may also be because they want to deepen the relationship and sharing confidences is a proven way to do that,” says Kerr.
If you’re unsure because you don’t usually have that kind of rapport, their feelings may have developed into more serious ones.
11. They make overblown promises
If you’re the only one receiving promises of a speedy jump up the career ladder, you may need to pause and think about the reason behind it. Although you’re a hard-working employee, your admirer may have another motive behind their actions.
12. They invite you to spend time together
One of the most obvious signs your boss is attracted to you is if they’re planning activities outside of work that just involve the two of you. If you’re not best buds, it’s not irrational to assume that the reason for the meetup is romantic.
13. They flatter you with compliments that aren’t work-related
Being complimented about your performance in the workplace is natural. However, if flattery is being thrown at you left, right and center, your boss may have more than a friendly fondness of you.
Throwaway lines such as “Anyone would be lucky to have you” could very well mean that they have a crush on you.
14. They treat you as if they don’t like you
Remember in elementary school when a classmate had a crush on you but was really mean to you? Fast-forward 20 years, and adults are behaving in exactly the same manner, just in a different setting.
If your boss regularly teases or picks on you, it could be their way of flirting or trying to hide their admiration.
15. They force a special bond with you
Some people are lucky enough to form a special bond with their boss naturally. You can have harmless banter and inside jokes without attraction being thrown into the mix.
Yet, if you notice that your supervisor is trying to force a bond when the feeling isn’t mutual, it may be due to their secret crush on you.
16. They’re always looking at you
It would be very strange if your manager didn’t look at you while talking to you. If, however, they tend to maintain eye contact for a little too long or plainly stare at you, then you may have an admirer on your hands.
17. Their appearance suddenly changes
People often change their appearance or start dressing more professionally in the office because it boosts their confidence. Sometimes, though, individuals give themselves a revamp to impress others.
If you compliment a specific outfit or perfume and they begin to wear it more often, it may be a sign that they like you.
18. They always ask for your opinion
If your boss asks for your opinion on a project or a deal, it could be a sign that they really value you as an employee.
If, however, your boss doesn’t quit asking for your opinion every chance they get — like when ordering takeaway or choosing a name for their Swiss cheese plant — this could signify that they have a crush on you.
19. They recall things you’ve said with great accuracy
Remember that time two months ago when you mentioned your favorite restaurant in town? Of course you don’t — but your boss does.
If they’re always bringing up seemingly insignificant things you’ve said or done in the past, it could mean that they’ve been keeping a really close, really interested eye on you.
20. They’re quick to laugh at everything you say
Perhaps you’re sharing a story about how your dog chewed through your expensive pair of slippers. Or maybe you’ve just made a clever pun about spaghetti over lunch break.
While your colleagues may smile or laugh for a few seconds, your boss may start to laugh uncontrollably. If they’re always quick to laugh at every little thing you say, it may be a good indication that they’re into you.
What to do about it
If you sense that your boss is attracted to you, it’s important to handle the situation carefully and professionally. Here are five steps to consider taking:
1. Set clear boundaries
If you sense your boss is attracted to you, it’s important to establish firm, professional boundaries early on.
Be polite but assertive in ensuring interactions remain strictly work-related, and avoid any behavior that could be misinterpreted as encouragement, such as personal conversations or spending unnecessary time alone together.
Setting these boundaries early helps prevent awkward situations and maintains a healthy, professional working relationship.
2. Document behavior
If your boss begins to exhibit inappropriate behavior, such as making suggestive comments or crossing professional boundaries, it’s crucial to document the incidents — with as much as detail as possible, including dates, times and descriptions of the interactions.
This documentation could be important if the situation escalates or you need to report the behavior. Indeed, accurate records provide a clearer picture of any ongoing issues and ensure you have evidence if needed.
3. Avoid personal conversations
To prevent any misinterpretation of your intentions, keep all conversations work-related and professional. In other words, avoid engaging in personal discussions or sharing details about your private life, as this could inadvertently encourage further inappropriate behavior.
By keeping communication strictly business-focused, you send a clear message that you want to maintain a professional relationship without any ambiguity.
4. Speak up
If your boss’s behavior crosses a line and makes you uncomfortable, address it directly. You don’t have to be confrontational, but you should be clear and firm in expressing your discomfort.
Let them know that you value a professional relationship and prefer to keep all interactions work-focused. Speaking up early can often resolve the situation before it becomes a more significant issue.
5. Consult HR
If the situation persists or worsens to the point of sexual harassment, it's important to take your concerns to the HR department.
HR is trained to handle sensitive issues like this and can provide guidance on the next steps, including investigating the behavior or mediating the situation. They can also help protect you from retaliation and ensure that your workplace remains safe, professional and respectful.
Final thoughts
To summarize, there’s no right or wrong way to handle a love-struck manager; simply listen to your gut and set as strict a boundary as you need.
On the off chance that you may like your boss back (and aren’t just craving some attention), our suggestion is that you still don’t bring the workplace into your love life — that can get really messy!
Do you suspect your boss is into you? What signs have you noticed? Let us know in the comments section below.
This article is a partial update of an earlier version originally published in 2018, and contains contributions by Electra Michaelidou.