Bored on your lunch break? Tired of the same routine and desperate to find an excuse to get out of work? Perhaps those millions of tabs open on your computer screen are getting you down.
Work life can get monotonous and incredibly stressful at times. Most often, you just need a time-out or something to put a smile on your face among all that paperwork.
Perhaps it’s time to crack a joke and have a laugh with your colleagues (or even by yourself, if you hate them that much).
Before you think about giving your irritating boss a black eye, or right when you’re about to poison your most hated coworker’s coffee cup, check out these funny office jokes – they promise to brighten up your workplace!
Note: These jokes are clean and work-appropriate – don’t worry if your boss catches you reading them!
I love my job. Lately, colleagues have been writing names on the food in the office fridge.
I’m currently eating a yoghurt called Susan. How cute!
2. 99 Problems Opportunities
My boss told me that there’s no such thing as problems, only opportunities.
I said: ‘That’s great. Well, I have a serious drinking opportunity.’
3. Starting Date
I went for an interview for an office job today. The interviewer told me I’d start on $2,000 a month, which would increase to $2,500 a month after six months’ time.
I told them I’d start in six months.
4. An Appropriate Emergency Contact
When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of an emergency, I always write, ‘A very good doctor’.
5. Stupid People
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one – him or me – I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.
6. How to Get a Raise
Bill walks into his boss’s office one day and says: ‘Sir, I’ll be straight with you. I know the economy isn’t great, but I’ve got three companies after me, and I’d like to respectfully ask for a raise.’
After a few minutes of haggling, the boss finally agrees to give him a 5% raise, and Bill happily gets up to leave.
‘By the way,’ asks the boss as Bill is leaving his office. ‘Which three companies are after you?’
Bill replies: ‘The electric company, water company and phone company.’
7. Plagiarism vs Research
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
8. The Hardest Days of the Week
The first five days after the weekend are the hardest.
9. Office Cleaning
Boss: ‘How can we keep the office clean?’
Me: ‘By staying at home.’
Someone has stolen my Microsoft Office, and they are going to pay for it… You have my Word.
11. The Best Patients
Three doctors are discussing which types of patients they prefer.
Doctor Watson says: ‘I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetised.’
Doctor Fitzpatrick says: ‘I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.’
Doctor Ahn says: ‘I prefer lawyers. They’re gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear-ends are interchangeable.’
12. Manual Work
Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually.
It took me 20 minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.
13. The Workplace from Hell
HR manager: ‘Just go to hell!’
Me: ‘So, should I stay or leave? I’m confused.’
14. Past Tense
If you think your job sucks, remember whenever a famous personality dies, someone at Wikipedia has to change all the verbs to past tense.
15. Issues with Reality
I said: ‘Well, my main weakness would be my issues with reality, telling what’s real from what’s not.’
They then asked, ‘And your strengths?’
I said, ‘I’m Batman.’
16. A Long Wait
I don’t mind coming to work; it’s the eight-hour wait to go home I can’t stand.
17. Crazy People
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, ‘I can make the boss give me the day off.’
The man replies, ‘And how are you going to do that?’
The woman says, ‘Just wait and see.’
She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, ‘What are you doing?’
The woman replies, ‘I’m a light bulb.’
The boss then says, ‘You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.’
The man starts to follow her, and the boss says, ‘Where are you going?’
The man says, ‘I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.’
Employer: ‘We need someone responsible for the job.’
Job applicant: ‘Sir, your search ends here! In my previous job, whenever something went wrong, everybody said I was responsible.’
19. An Engineer’s Perspective
Some people say the glass is half full.
Some people say the glass is half empty.
Engineers say the glass is twice as big as necessary.
20. A Rude Former Boss
An employee is getting to know her new coworkers when the topic of her last job comes up. One coworker asks why she left that job.
‘It was something my boss said,’ the woman replied.
‘Why? What did he say?’ the coworker asked.
‘He said: “You’re fired”.’
21. Middle Age
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
22. Heavy Workloads
Yesterday I did nothing, and today I’m finishing what I did yesterday.
23. Biggest Weaknesses
HR manager: ‘What’s your biggest weakness?’
HR manager: ‘And besides that?’
Me: ‘Follow-up questions.’
24. Clean Desks
You know what they say about a clean desk.
It’s a sure sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
25. Mathematical Puns
What does a mathematician say when something goes wrong?
26. A Truly Good Day
The boss told me to have a good day.
So, I went home.
27. Kitchen Remodelling
Yesterday at work, I saw someone being horrifically inefficient and told him, ‘Dude, that is definitely slowing you down’.
He replied, ‘Well, yeah, it is, but I’m in the kitchen remodelling business, so I’m supposed to be counter-productive’.
28. Changing Light Bulbs
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It’s a hardware problem.
29. The Benefits of Drinking Coffee
Why do I drink so much coffee?
It helps me do stupid things faster and with more energy.
30. How to Dispose of Sensitive Documents
A young executive is leaving the office late one evening when he finds the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
‘Listen,’ says the CEO. ‘This is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?’
‘Sure,’ the young executive says.
He turns the machine on, inserts the paper and presses the ‘Start’ button.
‘Excellent, excellent!’ says the CEO as his paper disappears inside the machine. ‘I just need one copy.’
It turns out there are ways to be happy at work – by reading through our list of office jokes and puns! You can always rely on some office humour to get you through your day. Heck, you can even use these one-liners and gags to calm your colleagues. It’s never too late to turn their day around!
What was your favourite pun? Know more funny work jokes or stories that will make great additions to our list? Jot them down in the comments section below!