Being a rock star at work is not something that can happen overnight, and it is not something that can happen all on its own. You must actively work on this goal and make it your ongoing project, a never ending quest that will set an example for all of the future cadets that will come to your office. You might think that to be a rock star at work you need to be a reigning champion of the worker of the month wall, but it is so much more. You also need to behave like and assume a mindset of a real rock star.
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This is not an easy thing to achieve, as there are those who will be envious of you, and they will try to keep you down. There are others in your office, who also want to be rock stars, and these can either be friends or foes. Lastly, there is your boss, who might perceive you as a threat if you, by some chance, achieve this admirable level of popularity. Well, buckle up, it is going to be one hell of journey, but if you follow these instructions you just might succeed in your quest.
1. Start With The Attitude
The term rock star is quite self-explanatory; the star means you are above all, a shining example of greatness and an awe-inspiring paragon of how one should live his life. In other words, you need to channel this supreme aspect of yourself, and ooze confidence on an everyday basis. Start with a morning brainwashing ritual. Look in the mirror and start telling yourself: “I am the king, my crowd /co-workers love me. I am God, my boss is privileged to have me as his employee. T.N.T, I’m dynamite, T.N.T and I’ll win this fight!”
You will also need to practice the “look”, you know the one Bono has on all the Magazine covers, the one look that conveys the following message: “I can look through anything, even if you were here I wouldn’t notice you.” It can be quite a challenge to master, but it is quite crucial if people are to take you seriously. Remember, the objective here is not for people to love you, your objective is for people to admire you, but never truly understand you.
2. Be Above Well-Established Norms
We all know how to act polite, and within the borders of well-established norms. There is a whole office etiquette specifically designed to keep the professionalism at a high level. You need to be above all of that and basically rebel against the regime. Always be near female workers, and charm them with your witty lines, after all, you’ll need groupies if you are to be a rock star. If everyone dresses formally, you need to be more flashy in order to stand out from the crowd, so, sunglasses, nothing but a waistcoat on your torso, so that coworkers can see your tattoos (oh, yes you need tattoos too), and you can go with a kilt instead of pants (underwear is optional in this case).
It would be a nice touch if you are occasionally late, have a messy workspace to resonate with your inner troublemaker, and throw yourself a compliment every now and then. This sort of behaviour will make you stand out from the crowd, and you will show everyone once and for all that you are not a part of sheep herd that mindlessly follows the modern teachings.
3. Act Like You Are in an Ongoing Documentary
Do you know why we think rock stars have such amazing lives? It’s because of all the documentaries we watch, the movie that is supposed to make them more humanlike, is actually boosting our admiration. Even when they are utterly pissed off, they seem to be having a good time. A rock star really acts however he or she feels like, when someone makes you mad, yell and toss a half-empty beer can at that idiot.
This is how rock stars handle stressful situations. Why? Well they are valuable assets to the world and it would be unwise to make them feel bad. Additionally, feel free to over-dramatize simple arguments: “Who the bloody hell drank my milkshake!!!!!?” It is a good way to show people that it is not worth the trouble to try to make you mad, because things will only get out of hand. They need to know you are not one of them, and that it is foolish to think otherwise.
Pro Tip - When someone approaches you, pull out a marker and sign his or her shirt, then smile and say “Here ya’ go mate.”
4. Raise Your Co-Worker’s Spirits
Believe it or not, this title comes with certain responsibilities. So, whenever your team is facing a difficult project and a strenuous week, it is your job to lift their spirits. Basically, all you need to do is acting like this is your life performance, but give the office-friendly edition of the speech. “Alright, it’s time to remind them what we are all about! Let me see those hands typing, and let me hear those buttons clicking!” Furthermore, when the entire week seems to be a drag, it is your duty to bring tons of booze, and get the party going, reminding everyone why they have an awesome job, and an awesome co-worker.
5. Demand Privileges
What kind of rock star would you be without special treatment? So, you need to ask for your own bathroom, permission to bring your pet iguana to work, and of course, for your own personal assistant. In the event you can’t get these, you’ll need to buy your own trailer and park it in front of the building, have your name written on its door, within a star-shaped frame. Make sure you go to your trailer, during every break, and don’t invite anyone else to tag along. Let their imagination run wild. Also, when you are back from your trailer, always put on a big smile, to show everyone you are in a good mood that will definitely make them jealous.
6. Live up to Your Words
And now the most difficult part. In order to pull this off and be tolerated, and later on acknowledged as a rock star, you’ll need to be irreplaceable, just like Dr House and Sherlock Holmes. You need to be better than everybody else at your job, and you’ll do this by following the example of rock stars. You need to be passionate about your work, truly love what you are doing, and strive for perfection. Co-workers need to be inspired by your diligence, and see you as their role-model, and if your work earns your employer a lot of money, he won’t fire you. You are cultivating a positive atmosphere, you are the reason why people love their jobs and you deliver encore of a great performance from one month to another.
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There you have it, a guide on how to be a rock star. I hope you will follow these instructions to their fullest and achieve this one of a kind goal. Remember, your time is never over, and you should never quit until you go platinum. And remember; for those about to rock, your coworkers will salute you!