Are you failing to make a good impression in the workplace? Do you need to get ahead at work? We have just the advice you need! Follow these funny, yet undeniably useful office rules and you will soon see results.
These office rules are humorous and not to be taken too seriously; however, some office rules go that one step too far. Check out these crazy but very real office rules that have made employees (and managers alike) cringe! If you have ever used one of these excuses to take time off work - let us know about it!
10. Always look irritated
Don’t want to be hassled by coworkers or management? Maintain an irritated or annoyed expression on your face throughout the day. This implies you are busy and in the middle of something important (even if you’re not!)
9. Walk like you mean it
Never walk casually from one room or desk to the other - this just looks like you are skiving off work. You need to look purposeful, so others believe you have reason to get up and move away from your desk. In reality, you could just be off to the smoking room, but if you walk there like you mean it, people will never suspect!
8. Keep your desk messy
This is important, even if you are a neat freak at home - you need a messy desk and cubicle at work. A messy desk implies you have work piled up to your eyeballs and are inundated with tasks to get through. Therefore no-one will want to bother you! Some people might argue that it is good office etiquette to have a tidy desk, but they are just looking for more work.
7. Type on your computer whenever someone walks past
Even if you are researching something important, unless you are typing away furiously at your keyboard, it won’t look like you are actually working! Type and look engrossed in what you are doing. (Just don’t draw too much attention!)
6. Carry documents around with you
This is a legendary tactic to look important and busy at work. For all your colleagues know, you could be carrying around blank papers! Remember, walk briskly, with an irritated look on your face, and carry a few documents with you, and you will most definitely look the part!
5. Smile at the boss, always
No matter how much the boss has annoyed you that day; always give them a smile and a nod of the head. This is good office etiquette and shows a level of respect (even if you are cursing them under your breath!)
4. Send emails at unearthly hours
Want to look like you’re a workaholic and take your job seriously? Just set your alarm at home for some insane hour, get up, email work with something (anything work related in fact), and bingo -you look like you have been up all night slaving away at work projects while everyone else is fast asleep in bed!
3. Always offer the boss tea
Never dare make yourself a drink without also offering the boss one too. You don’t need to offer the rest of the rabble a beverage, but if you want to get noticed by important people - make sure you keep their coffee cups filled!
2. Make jargon your best friend
No, Jargon is not a person, it’s the irritating, nonsensical catch phrases and words that only those in the industry understand. Why say it like it is when you can talk in useless code? Well, if you want to get ahead you will have to overcome your hatred for jargon and learn it!
1. Never leave the office on time
You should try to leave the office at least 10 minutes after you’re ’allowed’ to leave. It shows that you are not running out the door soon as the clock strikes 5pm!
Already tired of 'making an impression’ at work? Check out these hilarious but quite outrageous employee excuses you could use to call in sick! Again, this is not recommended, but the excuses some of these workers have used will have you in stitches!
This article was originaly published in September 2013.