Why Being Employed Sucks

So, you are a proud and valiant member of the workforce. You pay your taxes, work unpaid overtime and kiss every supervisor’s butt that is within earshot. You are an exemplary member of the white collar sect, but have you really thought of what that entails? Are you truly happy? Or has your relationship with work divulged into a loveless give-and-give-again type of relationship?

Micromanaging might be bullying

Humiliation, belittling and berating are not healthy management strategies. No, Tom, they’re not; I don’t care if you think that employees default to laziness when they’re not ruled with an iron fist. The constant harassment or bullying from a micromanager can carry a few more adverse effects than just your significant other being tired of your ceaseless whining. Bullying in the workplace can result in debilitating anxiety, shame, clinical depression, and panic attacks. So, the next time you hear that a coworker took a ‘mental health day’, don’t roll your eyes, but instead think about filing a class action suit against that micro-manager Tom for mental and emotional damages.

No free time

Yes, adult life sucks, I am not going to reiterate that fact. Hobbies have been proven to be beneficial to mental health and stimulation. Yes, even if your primary hobby is collecting My Little Ponies, Tom. How can you be so mean and collect My Little Ponies? That doesn’t make any sense. Anyway, hobbies not only offer a great outlet to creative and physical energy, it can also function as a social outlet. When you work for most of the day, though, the last thing you want to do is dedicate hours and hours’ worth of energy to, well, anything.

Under pressure

Workplace frictions and stresses have this uncanny way of spreading like the bubonic plague. I don’t care how Zen you might consider yourself, there is no way that you leave everything work-related at the proverbial door. After a while, frayed nerves start to sting and the pleasant (if not warped) melody from a passing ice cream truck and gleeful laughter of children start to sound like nails on a chalkboard. Is there a way to avoid such aggravation? Of course! Just don’t go to work!

The alternatives

Well, the options when unemployed are plentiful. You can go back to school, for example; make your Mom proud when you finally graduate, and wear the cap (which you made yourself out of construction paper). I guarantee that with that prestigious elementary school diploma, you will be able to go places you never imagined. OK, take it easy, tiger; you have to be an engineer, a scientist, and have functional cognitive levels to become an astronaut, but keep dreaming and reaching for the stars. You can work freelance also, from what you said you like to write. Oh! You meant dirty limericks on bathroom walls. It’s the Internet; I’m sure there’s bound to be another paint-chip-eater that will find Pat O’Stoolie’s bathroom adventures amusing.


So, now you know the benefits of not having a job. Granted, I’m sure there is a myriad of people that will call me a hypocrite, considering I am writing this from the warm, snug confines of my cubicle. To those people I would like to cordially respond: “Suck it!” I actually like my job.




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