Top 10 Weirdest Job Titles

Scratch Head Disguise iStock

While dinnerladies are a thing of the past (they are now called Education Centre Nourishment Consultants, thank you very much), we’ve heard a lot of weird job titles of the years. From Oyster Floaters (which entails exactly what the job title suggests) to Retail Jedis (aka shop assistants) and Chick Sexers (a specialist who determines the sex of chickens).

I really wish I could say these were the weirdest job titles. Needless to say, they’re not. This list showcases 10 even weirder job titles.

1. Jim Koch – Chocolate Beer Specialist

Chocolate Beer SpcialistAcidCow

Alongside Harry M. Rubin and Lorenzo Lamadrid, Jim Koch (pronounced ‘cook’) is the founder of the Boston Beer Company. A brewery specializing in beer (“Mmm… Beer!” as the great Homer Simpson would say). While being the co-founder of a beer brewery sounds like an awesome job, the Food Network channel decided to give him an even awesomer job title: Chocolate Beer Specialist.

2. Knitter in Residence

Knitter in ResidenceUniversity of Glasgow

The University of Glasgow had a job opening for a Knitter in Residence in 2014. Applicants for the six-day Wool Week stint were asked to send in their CV, a letter of application, and a sample of their work. While we don’t know who eventually got the job, I like to think interviews were conducted in the form of Britain’s Got Talent auditions.

3. Stan Cauvain – Bread Scientist

Bread ScientistMarco Barisione

We know that making a sandwich is a science, but we didn’t think Stan Cauvain would take it so seriously. Cauvain, also known as the Bread Scientist, is credited with working with the inventors of the Chorleywood bread process – a process known to make about 80% of the UK’s bread.

4. Bill Margold – Pornography Historian

Pornography HistorianImgur

Just by looking at his photo, it’s hard not to admit that he kinda looks like a creep. Coupled with his job title, he definitely sounds like one, too. But wait, there’s more: Margold was even a porn star back in the day. Honestly, that’s something I really don’t want to see (cue Phoebe from ‘Friends’: “My eyes! MY EYES!”). Meanwhile, Margold sparked controversy in 1981 when he said in an interview that he would perform a sex scene with his own daughter. Yeah, whatever reservations I had of him being a creep have been shoved aside.

5. Ghazali Jaafar – MILF Commander

MILF CommanderThe Name’s Ponyboy

Someone really ought to tell Mr. Jaafar what MILF means on the Interwebz. For those of you who don’t know and do not want to lose your precious innocence, please move on to Number 6. For those of you who don’t know what it stands for, but would like to know, it’s an acronym for ‘Mother I’d Like to F*ck’ and was popularized in the 1999 teen sex comedy film ‘American Pie’. In this case, however, MILF stands for the Moro Islamic Liberation Front.

6. Vance Zawadaszki – Rimjob Inventor

Rimjob InventorThe Name’s Ponyboy

Congratulations Mr. Zawadaszki for inventing the rimjob, a sexual act in which one party performs oral sex on the other party’s anus. Well… this is awkward. So, *awkwardly laughs* what’s next?

7. Trent Arsenault – Freelance Sperm Donor

Freelance Sperm DonorInquisitr

This Trent guy sounds like he’s suffering from satyriasis – the male equivalent of nymphomania. I’m sorry, but how exactly does he explain what he does for a living to the girl sitting opposite him on their first date? “Yeah, I masturbate for a living”. Ah, definitely a catch! What makes this entry even more hilarious is the fact that his surname begins with “arse”.

8. Brynne Larson – Teen Exorcist

Teen ExorcistYouTube

Brynne doesn’t exactly perform exorcisms on teenagers. Well, actually, she does. Unlike the job title suggests, however, she doesn’t limit herself to exorcising teenagers – she’s an exorcist who happens to be a teenager. And, of course, this all happens in ‘Murica. No offense to the Americans reading this article, but seriously: you’ve got some really weird people living amongst you. Brynne, alongside sisters Tess and Savannah Scherkenback (collectively known as the Teenage Exorcists), was trained by her father and “world renowned exorcist”, the Reverend Bob Larson, in evicting demons from Regan MacNeils across the US and abroad.

9. Russell Kleinbach – Bride Kidnapping Expert

Bride Kidnapping ExpertThe Name’s Ponyboy

You’ll be forgiven for reading that job title and completely misinterpreting it. I hate to be the one to break it to all the grooms-to-be who are getting cold feet out there, but Kleinbach is not an expert in kidnapping brides. Not in that sense, anyway. He is actually an author who has written extensively on the subject of non-consensual bride kidnapping and tradition in Kyrgyzstan. And no, there aren’t any bride kidnapping tips in his books.

10. Sarah Durdin Robertson – Head of Potatoes

Head of PotatoesReddit

Durdin Robertson is a food producer who has worked with British chef Gordon Ramsay on a number of shows, including ‘Gordon Ramsay’s Ultimate Cookery Course’, ‘The F Word’ and ‘Ramsay’s Costa Del Nightmares’. Despite working for one of the world’s top chefs, she’s better known for being credited as the Head of Potatoes. Sadly, however, her job has little to do with potatoes – a little disappointing, admittedly.

See also: Top 20 Weirdest Jobs

Have we missed out a weird job title that should be on this list? Do you have a weird job title that you’d like to share with us – for educational purposes, of course, never for entertainment? Let us know in the comments section below!